


Lesson 1: Friendship

by betsib, sandorara



Series: Students of Light [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BFFs, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Miqo'te (Final Fantasy XIV), Miqo'te Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Racism, Stalking, mention of prostitution, mention of slavery, sad past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17942090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betsib/pseuds/betsib, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandorara/pseuds/sandorara
Summary: In a modern version of Eorzea that has long since lost its connection to magic, two miqo’te just do their best to live their lives and study while dodging prejudice, deadlines and shadows from the past.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beginning of what came to be when we wanted to start working on the epic that will be the story of our two catboys' mutual adventures as a Warrior of Light duo, and found we needed to practice writing each other's characters. Its a study in how they'd act together in a world that is similar yet very different, and though it's very niche, we hope you will find it enjoyable.
> 
> There will be two different wol/npc ships in later parts.

_His hands were shaking as he ended the call, cutting off the operator who was still trying to get him to identify himself. He let the phone drop to the ground. He didn’t dare take it with him. It wasn’t his, anyway._

_He started moving down the streets, determinedly making his way towards the harbour. He didn’t run. If he had learned anything over the years, it was that running only made you more likely to get caught. People noticed when someone ran by. Nobody would notice one kid walking quietly._

_Several police cars rushed by, sirens blazing, heading in the direction he’d come from. They took no notice of him, but he couldn’t help increasing his pace a bit. When he heard gunfire behind him, distant but far too close, he did run. He ran as fast as he could._

_He reached the harbour and stopped dead, staring as the ferry to Vesper Bay left the harbour. He was too late._ This is not how it went, _he thought, as he looked around in panic._ I made it to the ferry. This is not how…

_The gunshots were coming closer now. People around him were screaming and running, threatening to throw him to the ground._

_“Where are you, you traitorous little whelp?” a familiar voice shouted over the crowd, and he ran again. He needed to find somewhere, anywhere, to hide. They couldn’t find him. He was dead if they found him, just like...just like…_

This is not how it went, _he thought again, but it did nothing to lessen his panic. He ducked behind a sandwich stand, trying to make himself as small as possible._

_They appeared. The police had been powerless to stop them, like he had feared. And now they had come for him._

_He felt someone grab his shoulder. That’s impossible, he thought, there was a wall behind me, there’s no way, no way… He attempted to get away, bit the grip held him fast, then threw him to the ground. The gravel scratched his hands as he fell, but it was nothing. He needed to run. He turned around, only to find that there was nowhere to go. The street had become an alley, and the only way out was blocked._

_C’nhimi smiled down at him, wider than should be possible. Than was possible. “Did you really think you could get away with this?” he asked, tone far too sweet. “That I’d let you get away?”_

_He backed up against the wall, trying to find a way, any way, out._ This hasn’t happened. This is-

_“Not real?” C’nhimi laughed as he raised his gun. “Soon you will realize just how real it is. You could never get away. You will never get away.”  
C’nhimi fired. _

T’oast woke up with a start. He couldn’t breathe. His heart was pounding too hard and he _couldn’t breathe_!

Slowly, far too slowly, he started to realize where he was. Ul’dah, not Limsa Lominsa. A university student, not a scared child. He was safe. He had made that ferry all those years ago, and he was safe. Still, the image of C’nhimi’s smile was stuck in his brain.

Sighing, T’oast got on his feet. He wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep anyway, and he had a lot to do today. It was the start of the new term, and he needed to move into the new dormroom as soon as possible. He just hoped his new roommate would nice.

 

***

G'yozah had barely made it inside the new dorm room before his tomestone vibrated in his pocket. He dumped his bags on the floor and took a quick glance around the apparently empty room as he fished the tomestone out. (He'd thought his roommate would be here by now... the door had said 42 right? And this was the second floor? Yeah it was.) He quickly swiped to answer the call.

"Hi mum," he said right away, knowing that no one else would be calling at that moment. About to barrage him with questions about the whole 'moving back to uni after the summer'-process, no doubt.

"Yeah, I just made it here. No, I'm alone still. Mm, stayed at a friend's place last night like I said. Yes, _a friend_ , mum." Sure, the friendship may involve some thorough fucking but, it sure wasn't what his mum was thinking.

He stepped out of his sneakers and took a look around the room, as she went on. He noticed that there was indeed a bag left on the top bunk and some books and notes placed on one of the desks. The roommate _had_ been here then. But barely brought anything at all. Interesting. One of the wardrobes had a few items in it as well. Okay.

"And remember to come home sometimes, we hardly saw you at all last year!" his mum then said over the line, and G'yozah gave a quick, resigned "yeah, yeah". "You know we'll pay for plane tickets if the train is a bother, right, Dumpling? It does take quite a while, and we'd rather see you than not." G'yozah groaned.

"I've only been gone one night yet, mum, and don't call me that, it's honestly embarrassing."

"You'll always be our little Dumpling, you know that."

Another groan. "Mum, I'm 20."

"Still the youngest."

"By 11 minutes! Anyway, I should unpack and, the roommate's probably gonna show up soon, he's clearly been here and left some stuff."

"Yes, yes, I know you want to get rid of me, good luck and _remember to call_."

"I will, promise."

He quickly hung up and stuffed the tomestone back in his pocket. That really wasn't a lot of stuff. Was his new roommate a minimalist or something? Ecofreak? Maybe they'd be a full on hipster? The course books left on the table quickly told him the guy studied medicine. Interesting.

Well. He'd hopefully find out more once the guy actually came back to the room. So for now G'yozah might as well get on with his own unpacking, like he'd told his mum.

He spent a good while packing up, arranging his stuff around the room – trying to get his clothes to fit on his side of the impossibly small wardrobe and just generally making himself comfortable. The bathroom was small, but he was able to fit all his products on one of the shelves easily. Eventually, he decided he’d just wait out the inevitable return of his mysterious roommate with the help of some tomeflix on his laptop. Sure, there was friends to see again and places to be but… He’d have time for that later.

It was already late afternoon when he finally heard a key turn in the lock. G’yozah quickly paused the episode of _Murders in Mor Dhona_ he was currently on and turned around just in time to see a another miqo’te enter the room. He was short, _really short_ , with dark reddish-brown hair and a really fluffy tail. G’yozah smiled. The new roommate was _cute_!

“Hi there,” G’yozah said, getting up from the bunk and holding his hand out in greeting. It felt like the right, polite thing to do. “I’m G’yozah. And I guess you’re my new roommate.”

“Yeah, I suppose so. T’oast Tia,” the small guy said, and awh, poor guy. Not that G’yozah hadn’t heard his fair share of jokes about his own name, like the one his mum kept insisting on, but at least it wasn’t your everyday breakfast. Knowing exactly what it felt like, he decided to steer clear of any food jokes forever.

T’oast walked in and dumped his backpack on the chair by the desk he’d claimed, and then opened it to reveal... more books. Very serious about his studies, apparently. “I claimed the top bunk. Hope that’s okay,” he said.

“Sure,” G’yozah said with a grin. “I’m more of a bottom anyway, if you know what I mean.”

There was a pause where T’oast stopped what he was doing, and then continued, not acknowledging the joke at all. Interesting.

“Did you already bring all your stuff?” G’yozah asked instead, hoping to keep the conversation going.

“Yeah, I didn’t have a lot,” T’oast said. “Feel free to spread out.”

No. He could not resist that one.

“We’ve only just met, and you’re asking me to _spread_ ,” G’yozah smirked. “I would, though, definitely.” T’oast paused again, and this time G’yozah was sure he could see a faint red tint to his cheeks. Promising. “Anytime actually, you’re cute, though I think the bottom bunk may be safer for that, speaking from experience.”

T’oast turned to look at him, and G’yozah smiled again. He had just about enough time to notice how _bright_ the guy’s red eyes were and think _damn he’s pretty_ before T’oast looked away quickly, grabbed his still-open bag and scrambled over to the door.

“I need to… not be here,” was all he said, then he was gone.

And there G’yozah was, just staring at the door, somewhat in disbelief.

“Okay then, that sure is a no,” he told the empty room and shrugged.

Now, rejection was nothing new to G’yozah, but this was the first time someone had actually run out on him. But– he’d probably been coming on too strongly. He was so used to people just knowing how he was that he might have gotten a bit blinded. He’d not– He’d really not meant to make the guy uncomfortable. And maybe T’oast was actually straight? That’d be something.

No. No way that guy was straight, G’yozah’s senses had been blaring right from the moment he saw him. He was not straight. Nothing about that _blush_ was straight. G’yozah sighed. He would be more careful next time, and if it didn’t work that was fine. They could still probably be friends. It wasn’t like G’yozah didn’t have other options, anyway.

A shame, though. That fluffy tail had been real cute.

 

***

G’yozah Tia, it turned out, had a bit of a reputation around campus.

“Did you live under a rock last year?”

T’oast was having lunch with some friends at the uni cafeteria, and the subject of roommates had come up. Logically so, since most people living in the dorms had just received new ones. It was mentioning G’yozah’s name, and apparently not knowing who the guy was, that had brought on this response.

“He has slept with – well, every guy available, pretty much,” his friend Deryk continued.

“He gives good head,” his other friend, Sylveret, said with a grin. “I sure wouldn’t mind sharing a room with him.”

Deryk nodded enthusiastically to Sylveret’s words. T’oast wasn’t one to judge, but he really had not expected all his friends to have slept with his new roommate. “I’m not interested,” he told them, to stop them from having any expectations.

“Fair enough,” Sylveret said. “But you know, good to know you have options when the deadline frustrations add up.” He laughed.

“He’s really nice, though,” Deryk added. “Sleeps around, but he’s not sleazy about it.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t make any false promises or anything,” Sylveret agreed. “It’s a good time, that’s all. You should give it a try.”

“Still not interested,” T’oast said, taking another gulp of water.

“Honestly, didn’t think you would be,” Deryk said with a grin. “I still think you should consider it though, maybe he could remove that stick that’s up your butt.”

T’oast snorted. “Alas, I think it’s stuck there,” he said. “Anyways, about that assignment...”

 

***

The third day in a row that T'oast woke up to find his roommate already sat by the desk with his laptop and books he had to admit to himself that the guy probably wasn't as irresponsible as T’oast had thought at first. And, that he seemed to be one of those mythical beings called 'morning people'. T'oast really was not. More like the opposite. Not to mention that it had taken him most of the night to even fall asleep. Again.

It wasn't that G'yozah felt like a threat or anything. The repeated flirting was a bit overwhelming but– he seemed nice otherwise. Still, he was new, this room was new, even the building was new. It would be a while until he'd sleep well here.

Rolling over, he yawned quietly and then climbed down the small ladder to the floor. G'yozah stayed lost in his course book and T'oast preferred it that way. G’yozah was absentmindedly stirring the spoon in his coffee, another one of his morning routines that T'oast had noticed. He wondered if the guy really needed any of that extra energy. And if the dorm coffee was anything like the tea he admired his roommate's bravery.

The bathroom door didn’t agree with his silence however, and creaked loudly as he opened it. Before he managed to slink inside and close it, G'yozah's back straightened and his head shot up.

"Shit. Wow," he exclaimed, turning towards T'oast, who stopped in his tracks.

"Didn't realise you were awake, you're so quiet!" He laughed, a warm smile on his face and then, as he took a sip of his coffee it instantly warped into a disgusted face. Ah. So it was like the tea.

"I didn't want to disturb you, sorry," T’oast said, and slid into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

"Oh don't worry, I'd let you interrupt my quality time with Lolorito's dry writing any time," came G'yozah's voice through the door, followed by a soft laugh. Economics did indeed sound painfully dry.

And thankfully, it was not the subject of the lecture T'oast had to get ready for. Not that Lalafell anatomy was particularly exciting either. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes. He was really not a morning person.

 

***

"He legit ran out on me, I'm not even joking!" G'yozah shifted forward on his barstool, closing his hands around the hot cup of chocolate in front of him. He’d come to the Dragonhead to see friends again, and ended up telling them about his new roommate and their meeting almost right away.

"Who did you say this was?," Roric asked, as if he hadn’t been listening properly.

Before G'yozah could continue, Haurchefant responded in his stead. "His roommate," he said, placing their small bowl of popcorn between them.

"Yeah, T'oast, miqo as well, third year i think." He stuffed a few popcorns into his mouth before continuing. "Studies medicine, is very quiet. Probably why I've never seen him before."  
"So is he cute?"

"Yeah definitely! I mean not my type really but, ridiculously cute. Small. Really fiery, red eyes. I'd want some."

Roric raised an eyebrow to that, as he joined in on attacking the popcorn bowl. Another one of those nice perks that being (old fuck-) buddies with the owner of the local cozy gay bar came with.

"So, I guess he's straight then. Unless you know, he just doesn't want someone who's slept with half the universe."

"Hey!" G'yozah pretend slapped his friend, and Haurchefant laughed next to them, as he mixed a drink for someone. "There are plenty of people I haven't slept with in this half of the universe, _sadly_. And no. I don't know really, but he doesn't come off as straight. Just, seemed a bit scared almost. I felt quite bad."

"You should bring him here sometime," Haurchefant said, returning from another (actual) customer to stand right by them again. G'yozah laughed.

"Dude, we've barely talked so far, I don't think asking him out to a gay bar would go down particularly well."

"If he's not-straight, cute, and _shy_ I demand to provide him with hot chocolate, you absolutely must bring him here." Haurchefant had that determined, caring look on his face that no one , not even the strongest, could resist. The one that was probably the main reason he had practically adopted every not cishet youth in Ul’dah.

”Shy,” G’yozah mumbled thoughtfully. T’oast didn’t seem shy. Just— withdrawn somehow. Definitely an introvert. But also, _guarded_. G’yozah wondered how he was with his friends.

”Aaanyway,” he said eventually, taking a large chug from his chocolate. ”How’s your boyfriend, Haurchyboy?”

The way Haurchefant’s face lit up as he started telling them about the guy (a dancer!) was sweet, and his strong words full of love. For a moment G’yozah wondered if maybe sticking to someone for more than one or two odd nights wouldn’t be so bad.

The roommate would’ve been convenient, but he doubted that would happen. He could give it another try though, in a less direct way maybe.

Maybe.

Or you know, he could take Roric home again. It had been months anyway.

 

***

"Hey T'oast," G'yozah's voice came from the bunk below him. It was quiet enough that if he'd been asleep he wouldn't have woken up, but sleep was not easy to achieve at the moment, so T'oast did hear him. He hummed.

"You're awake, I know it," G'yozah continued.

"Yeah."

"Early start tomorrow?"

T'oast stayed quiet for awhile, wondering why G'yozah wanted to know that.

"No, nothing until 11."

There was something mischievous in the way G'yozah hummed then, and T'oast suddenly felt wide awake.

"So, you should come down from there," he suggested, and T'oast furrowed his brows.

"Why?"

"Mmm, just you know, me, you, one bed?"

T'oast sighed and rolled over, burying his face in his pillow.

"I'm not interested," he said, voice muffled by the fabric.

"What?"

"I'm not interested.” He lifted his face just enough to make the words comprehensible.

"Aww, is there anything I can do to change that?" He could hear the smirk in G'yozah's voice, like he knew T'oast would give in sooner or later. He was wrong. Very wrong.

"No."

"Are you straight?"

Again, T'oast stayed quiet for awhile. Unsure how to reply. Unsure _whether_ to reply. Unsure why he was even having this conversation.

"No," he said eventually.

"Awwww, so I'm just not good enough?"

T'oast sighed again. "That's not it. I'm just– Not interested."

Now it was G'yozah's turn to be quiet for a little while. T'oast almost thought he'd given up and was just gonna go to sleep. Then, he spoke again.

"I can still call you cute though, can I? Because you are."

T'oast groaned.

"Whatever.”

 

***

T’oast slammed the dorm room door closed faster than he’d opened it. That was— That was _not_ something he’d wanted to see. Ever.

He just stood there in the corridor for a moment, trying to remove the image of his roommate riding — well, whoever that guy even had been. He didn’t want to think about it.

A few deep breaths, then he rubbed his eyes, as if physically doing so would clear his mind too. Maybe if he went back to the library for a bit longer, they’d be done and gone when he came back?

He really hoped G’yozah wasn’t the cuddling type.

When he returned a few hours later, that hope was crushed. G’yozah was, of course, a cuddler.

At least this time there was nothing indecent that met his eyes as he opened the door, but that guy, whoever he even was, was still there. Mostly dressed at least, but with G’yozah leaning on him and looking like he’d– well, exactly what had been going on, T’oast supposed.

“Oh hi, T’oast,” G’yozah mumbled, straightening up. “Michel, this is T’oast, my roommate.”

At least this Michel had the conscience to look guilty as T’oast walked past them to the desk to put his books down. He responded with a simple “hi”, not really looking in T’oast’s direction.

G’yozah yawned, and Michel bent down to put his shoes on without a word. T’oast definitely wasn’t watching. He intently stared at the books he pulled out of his bag slowly, one by one instead.

Michel stood up and headed to the door, and T’oast could see a barefooted G’yozah following him in the corner of his eye. There was a hug and then G’yozah spoke, voice definitely lower than usual.

“Thanks Michel, mmm, that was fun.”

“Nahh, thank _you_ ,” Michel said with a laugh. “Anyway, time to get out of here, see you later, G’yozah.” And then he quickly slid out. T’oast finally let himself relax.

“Sorry about that,” G’yozah said, grinning at him. “You stayed out pretty late, though, already buried in deadlines?”

“I came back earlier,” T’oast said neutrally. “I decided to go back to the library.”

There was a moment of silence, during which T’oast finished fiddling by the desk and headed towards the bathroom. He really just wanted to wash up and head to bed. That’s all he wanted. To lie down. Rest.

“Oh.”

There it was.

“Yeah. Glad you had fun, but please leave a sign on the door or something next time.”

Honestly, he didn’t even care what G’yozah was up to, he just– Did not want to see it.  
The apology was muffled by the bathroom door closing behind him.

 

***

"G'yozah, you didn't bring your roommate!," Haurchefant smiled at his friend. G'yozah laughed dryly, that kind of awkward laugh people do when they would rather avoid a topic. Curious. A little worrying.

"I don't think that will be happening," he said. "I don't think he likes me very much."

Haurchefant grabbed a clean mug on instinct, starting to prepare a hot chocolate as G'yozah sat down by the bar. He was a firm believer in the healing powers of hot chocolate, even if the drink was generally far too warming for the Ul'dahan climate. So unlike the chilly valleys of Coerthas, where he grew up.

G'yozah had only been around for a year, but Haurchefant valued his well-being highly. He had sneaked his way into a lot of hearts over that one year. He was a positive force, making people around him brighten up and somehow bringing down many walls and inhibitions in his circles. It was genuinely fantastic and Haurchefant wanted him to stay that way.

Now, however, Haurchefant's question had brought out the slightest droop in his friend’s ears, and he didn't like it.

"Now what would make you think that?," he asked, as he dutifully poured the chocolate.

"I think I fucked up, nothing else," G'yozah responded, with another laugh. "Or well you know, I was trying to flirt because he's cute", but I think he's really not comfy with that."

"I remember you mentioning that yes," Haurchefant commented, wondering what type of person this roommate might be. It wasn't easy to say no to G'yozah. He wasn't particularly pressuring, there was just something welcoming about him. The smile probably. And his eyes. And the general friendliness.

"Yeah probably, but the other day I had Michel over and well, apparently T'oast came home and saw some stuff. I didn't even hear him, I don't know _what_ he saw."

Haurchefant raised an eyebrow, suppressing a small chuckle at the story. G'yozah explained that Michel had still been around when T'oast came back, awfully late, and how only once the guy had left did he ask for G'yozah to leave a sign on the door next time.

It was all quite amusing as an outsider, but Haurchefant understood G'yozah's mind being troubled. Living with someone else required delicate balance, and G'yozah seemed to genuinely care about what this roommate thought of him.

"Does he seem upset about it?," he asked, passing G'yozah the cup of hot chocolate. G'yozah accepted it as if on reflex, his hands closing around it and a small smile spreading on his lips as he sniffed it. Good.

"I don't know really, we haven’t talked but, he didn't seem particularly happy about it. Like– He said he doesn't care, just I need to mark it somehow which is like, absolutely fair. I just, worry I made him dislike me already."

Haurchefant poured himself a cup of chocolate, for good measure, and sat down.

"G'yozah," he started, smiling at the lost little cat, like he had almost a year ago when he had first walked into the bar, looking for a place to belong. "You are a remarkably hard person to dislike, and I have full confidence this roommate of yours will find that out. Just stay your own strong and positive self. I'll be cheering on you!"

G'yozah raised an eyebrow, but the smile was back, wide and bright. Good.

"Though, do remember to leave a sign, I doubt he'll appreciate repeats."

 

***

G’yozah was making his way to the kitchen for a can of soda. The latest episode of Murders in Mor Dhona was waiting for him on his laptop, and he wanted something good to drink while he watched it. He regretted not buying a snack, but going out would be far more trouble than it was worth.

A sweet smell hung in the air of the corridor, increasing as he got closer to the kitchen, making G’yozah curious. Someone was baking, it seemed. At 10 pm. And it didn’t even smell like weed.

He also heard voices, but paid them no mind until he heard his own name mentioned.

“...G’yozah and you, both catwhores in one place, it’s disgraceful” someone said, and G’yozah stopped in his tracks, just short of opening the kitchen door.

“I honestly don’t understand why you feel the need to spew your racist opinions at me,” another voice said, one that G’yozah recognized.

“It’s not an opinion, it’s true!” the other voice exclaimed. “G’yozah Tia is the campus whore, you can’t deny that! Classic miqo behaviour.”

“Not all miqo’te are like that!” a third voice said. “I’m not, and T’oast isn’t either. It’s just people like G’yozah giving us all a bad name.”

 _Ouch._ G’yozah usually didn’t care what people said about him, but that did sting a little. Was he really that bad? He finally dared a peek through the slightly open door. The hyur guy looked a little familiar, probably from their floor, but he didn’t know his name. The other miqo’te was holding a plate in one hand, like he was just about to leave, while T’oast was bent down as if checking something in the oven.

“G’yozah is just having fun, it doesn’t harm anyone,” T’oast said as he pulled a baking tray out and placed what turned out to be brownies down on the counter. G’yozah’s eyes went wide. He hadn’t really expected T’oast to defend him, especially not on that subject, after that incident a few days ago. He– really did not think T’oast was very fond of him.

“It’s morally despicable!” the guy almost shouted.

“I actually agree,” the other miqo’te said. “People like him are the reason people think of us miqo’te as nothing but sex-obsessed animals.”

“Right, I’m sure G’yozah is responsible for a prejudice that has existed since way before he was born,” T’oast said dryly, seemingly more interested in cleaning the bowl and spatula than in the conversation.

“I’m disappointed, T’oast,” the other miqo’te said. “I thought you would understand. You must have dealt with people like this” he gestured towards the hyur “all the time.”

“Sure, but it’s not G’yozah’s fault,” T’oast shrugged.

“Unbelievable,” the miqo’te muttered, then turned towards the door. G’yozah ducked out of the way, but the guy did catch his eye as he moved past. At least he had the decency to look a bit ashamed as he hurried past.

“They should put collars on the lot of you,” the huyr said inside, and G’yozah returned to spying. He should probably just go in, but he wanted to know what would happen. “Whores like G’yozah are just going around offering his ass up to anyone. It’s disgusting.”

“It doesn’t involve you, I’m pretty sure,” T’oast said dryly. “Though I suspect _that’s_ why you’re upset.”

“How dare you...”

“I _will_ hit you if you come closer,” T’oast warned, raising the spatula he was holding like it was a weapon. “Just take what you came for and get out of here.”

G’yozah saw the guy huff and go to the fridge, but taking nothing out. He then turned around with a sneer, slamming the door closed.

“I can’t believe you’d defend him,” he said. “You miqos are all alike.”

“Me and G’yozah are quite different,” T’oast said. “But neither of us would fuck _you_ , I guess we have that in common.”

The guy made his way towards the door with an angry huff, and G’yozah ducked away. Luckily, he just walked straight ahead, and didn’t even see G’yozah on the way. G’yozah shook his head before entering the kitchen. T’oast was moving the brownies to a large plate, and man they smelled divine.

“Hi,” G’yozah said quickly, as he made a beeline for the fridge, trying to not look like he’d been spying.

“Hey,” T’oast said, somehow sounding angrier now than he had with the racist. “Do you want a brownie?”

“Um, I just came for a soda but...” G’yozah said. “Sure.” he grabbed a plate from the shelf next to the fridge, and T’oast handed a brownie over.

“Careful, it’s still hot,” he said.

“Thank you,” G’yozah said quietly, a little taken aback by the entire situation.

“No problem, I couldn’t eat them all by myself anyway, I just suddenly craved brownies so I made some,” T’oast shrugged, still with an air of irritation, and G’yozah couldn’t help but wonder if part of it was directed at him after all.

“No I mean,” he said. “Also, for what you said.”

T’oast stilled, then sighed. “Oh. You heard that,” he said. “Don’t worry about it. Those guys were assholes. Have another brownie.”

G’yozah laughed. “Sure. Do you want a soda?”

“That would be nice, actually. If you don’t mind,” T’oast said, and G’yozah opened the fridge again to take another one out. He handed it over to T’oast with a smile.

“I’m watching _Murders in Mor Dhona_ if you want to join?” G’yozah said hopefully, and T’oast smiled back.

“Sure, let me just gather these up and do the dishes,” he said. “I’d rather eat in the room anyways, in case that guy comes back.”

“I doubt he will, your spatula of doom probably scared him away,” G’yozah said. He grabbed a towel and went to help T’oast with the dishes. It would go faster that way, and he felt like he owed the guy that. After that whole situation.

The dishes were finished in pleasant silence and afterwards they walked back and gathered on G’yozah’s bed to watch the show on his laptop.

With anyone else, this would have been the golden opportunity to flirt. T’oast right there with him, on his _bed_. But G’yozah didn’t really feel like it anymore. He was ninety nine percent sure T’oast would turn him down, anyway, and it might get awkward. And somehow, T’oast seemed to respect him despite his mistakes so far, he didn’t want to ruin that. And the brownies really were divine.

It was _nice_ , really, just sitting and watching the episode with T’oast, munching on the brownies and chatting about the show. G’yozah hoped they would make a habit of it.

 

***

The first time G'yozah had woken up from T'oast's nightmares he'd ignored it out of politeness, giving the guy his space. Over the few times after that, though far apart, a small gnawing worry had started to grow inside him. You know, everyone had nightmares, but G'yozah had never heard anyone sounding so desperate and scared. Or who moved just that much, without waking up.

It was how raw and intense it was, that made him keep quiet. He didn't know his roommate that well yet, and this seemed deeply personal somehow. Eventually, T'oast would wake up, and G'yozah would hear his ragged breathing as he calmed down, pretending to be asleep.

Eventually, maybe the fifth time, he found himself caring too much to just wait it out. It always sounded so bad, and he didn't like the thought of what T'oast may be going through in his head. He got up quietly, standing on the edge of his bunk to reach the top level easier. T'oast was completely tangled in his bed sheets and _whimpering_ , his face shiny with sweat.

"T'oast," he whispered, hoping just that would be enough to wake him. It wasn't. He tried one more time, raising his voice a little, but the only thing that changed was T'oast turning on his side with a loud sob, still clearly stuck in the nightmare.

Carefully, as slowly as he could, he placed his hand on his roommate's shoulder. "Hey T'oast." A gentle shake, just, he just wanted him to wake up. Once more, just softly. "T'oast."  
And then T'oast's eyes flew wide open, and he instantly rolled away from G'yozah's touch, further against the wall.

"It's alright, it's just me, you were having a nightmare," G'yozah said softly, and T'oast just stared at him for a moment, breathing heavily and looking quite terrified.

"Sorry, I must've– woken you," he whispered eventually, looking down and G'yozah quickly shook his head.  
"Nah don't worry about it, that just didn't seem like a pleasant place to be, so i thought I'd help you out. That alright?"

T'oast then closed his eyes and took a couple of long, deep breaths, clearly trying to calm himself down. G'yozah wondered what in the world he could've been dreaming about.

"Sure, yeah, thanks," T'oast mumbled, and adjusted the blanket around himself. "Sorry anyway."  
"It's okay really, I hope you can get some normal sleep now."

"Sure," T'oast mumbled again, like he wasn't really listening, and G'yozah decided it was his time to retreat back to his own bunk. He laid there for a while, listening to T'oast above him, hearing on his breathing that he wasn't falling asleep again. He was curious about what nightly ghosts T'oast was really dreaming about, but, that was none of his business really. At least he'd stopped it for now.

It didn't take long for G'yozah to fall back asleep.

 

***

T’oast enjoyed cooking.

He had a very limited budget, but over the years he had learned ways to use cheap ingredients to make decent food, especially when he could make larger quantities in one go, and eat later. In the dorm that was a bit of a gamble, however.

He could mark his food in every possible way, but the fridge didn’t have a lock. And some people seemed to think everything in there was free for the taking, despite messages to the contrary. It was highly frustrating. If T’oast could afford it, he would long since have bought a mini fridge for this room. Not that it would necessarily help, since people seemed to be in and out of there almost as much as the kitchen.

Just as he thought that, G’yozah entered the kitchen with a big smile on his face.

“Hey,” he said on his way to the fridge. He smiled a lot, and sometimes it was a bit contagious. G’yozah opened the door, stared into the fridge for a moment and then cursed quietly.

“My pizza box. It’s gone. _Again_.” Well, if G’yozah was a victim of the food thief as well, it probably wasn’t him at least. Not that T’oast had actually suspected him.

G’yozah’s ears visibly drooped as he closed the door to fridge. Based on what little T’oast knew about him by now, G’yozah was probably gonna end up ordering a replacement pizza – which was a waste of money as far as T’oast was concerned.

Dinner for G’yozah meant junk food for the most part, and T’oast hadn’t seen him cook or eat a home cooked meal once since the term started. Maybe– Maybe he should actually share some. He did kinda owe him for shaking him out of that nightmare last night. And he had enjoyed the brownies last time.

“If you want risotto I have extra,” T’oast finally offered. At least this way, he would actually know who’s eating his food.

The surprised grin on G’yozah’s face might actually have been reason enough in itself. And it really was contagious.

“For real? Thanks! I’ll pay you back. That smells amazing!”

It was long since T’oast last cooked for someone else, but watching G’yozah visibly enjoy the food was actually _nice_. And now he was complimenting other things than physical attributes, for a change. Maybe they could do this again, if G’yozah pitched in for the cost.

 

***

G’yozah was standing in front of the mirror, trying to decide whether this new pair of trousers framed his butt right, when T’oast came home. He looked tired as always. The guy really needed to relax more.  
“Hey,” G’yozah said. “Do you think my butt looks good in these?”

T’oast looked like he really couldn’t care less, but to his credit he did actually watch as G’yozah spun around for him, hips swaying.

“I see nothing wrong with them,” T’oast shrugged, and G’yozah took that as a yes. “Date tonight?”  
“Party, actually. With the LGBT+ bunch,” G’yozah said. “Do you wanna come?”

The question was mostly a joke. T’oast may have said he wasn’t straight, but G’yozah had not gotten any party vibes from the guy whatsoever. Still, it was nice to ask.

“Will there be alcohol?” T’oast asked in response, and G’yozah laughed, a little surprised by him not just instantly declining.

“Of course, not like it’s a party otherwise.”

T’oast sighed. “Fuck it,” he said. “Yeah, I’m in.”

G’yozah stared at him for a moment in surprise, having not expected that at all but– He could roll with it. His invite had been genuine anyway.

“Hell yes,” he said with a grin. “This is gonna be fun. Let’s get you a date then! Someone more your type than me. What would that be? Tell me!”

“Booze,” T’oast said in the driest tone ever, before just heading straight back to the door. “Let me know when you’re ready to go.”

G’yozah frowned. “You’re going like that?”

“What’s wrong with it?,” T’oast asked, throwing his arms out and raising an eyebrow.

G’yozah put his hands on his waist and took a good look at the guy. He was dressed in a sweater, oversized from being too big for him rather than meant to look like that, and a pair of tight black jeans. Not exactly party clothes, but he looked cute enough, in a nerdy sort of way. It kinda worked.

“Fair enough,” G’yozah shrugged. “Let’s go.”

G’yozah wasn’t the only one surprised by T’oast joining the party. They got a few looks when they walked in, but G’yozah supposed it might just as well have been because it was unusual for him to come there already _with_ someone. Either that or his butt really did look _that_ good.

“Feel free to go off and flirt,” T’oast said eventually, when they’d grabbed a couple of drinks.

“You’re just gonna just stand in a corner and drink if I do, aren’t you?” G’yozah said with a laugh. “Come on, it won’t kill you to have some fun.”

He grabbed T’oast’s arm and dragged him off to the side of the room. That was where a bunch of increasingly drunk people were playing truth or dare, as usual. It had started as a joke a few parties ago, but it was an effective way to get to know people and an acceptable way to kiss strangers. G’yozah had gotten some pretty good sex out of it by now as well.

“G’yozah, hey,” Michel greeted them from the floor, waving slightly. “You brought a friend?”

“This is T’oast, my roommate,” G’yozah said, dragging T’oast down with him to sit on the floor in a ring with the others, like they were children. “I’m pretty sure you two have met, actually.”

Briefly, when G’yozah hadn’t thought far enough to consider T’oast coming back home before they were done. Neither T’oast nor Michel seemed to want to acknowledge it (though Michel’s face did turn a shade redder) so the game moved on.

G’yozah, of course, 100% had an ulterior motive dragging T’oast to the game of Truth or Dare. By now he knew that T’oast was prickly, guarded and didn’t talk much about himself, so this was a prime opportunity to ask him embarrassing questions and maybe finally get to know the guy a little.

So, as soon as it was his turn, G’yozah spun the bottle. He was in luck, because it landed on T’oast. He grinned, wondering what he should ask first. Decisions, decisions.

“Dare,” T’oast then said quickly, and G’yozah was a bit taken aback. He hadn’t been prepared for the bookworm of a roommate going dare, but he could improvise. He could be creative. He could– _Yes_.

“Kiss me,” he said, attempting a straight face, but the smirk pulling on his lips was probably obvious. But, considering how T’oast had reacted to his flirting the first day, he was pretty sure T’oast would refuse. And then he’d switch to truth.

T’oast glared at him for a moment, and then leaned towards G’yozah and pressed their lips together, just like that. No feeling or technique, but no hesitation either. And to be honest, it was far from the worst kiss G’yozah had ever had.

Someone wolf-whistled on the other side of the circle, and T’oast pulled back quickly. He barely looked at G’yozah as he turned to spin the bottle himself, but G’yozah was grinning. Now he really hoped someone would get the opportunity to ask T’oast a question. This was getting interesting.

But the opportunity never came. T’oast had terrible luck, and the bottle landed on him several times during the evening, but he always chose “Dare”. A few hours later he had kissed three people, showed off his party trick (juggling three knives, which, wow), done a (pretty decent) striptease and prank-called a professor. Somehow, he still kept choosing dare.

G’yozah was fascinated.

By the time the game ended and people started leaving, G’yozah felt he had learned a lot about his roommate, despite him not telling them anything. And he was– _intrigued._

“I’m gonna head home,” T’oast said finally, emptying the bottle of beer he was holding. He was visibly a bit drunk, face red, eyes glossy and a slightly unsteady step. But so was G’yozah. In fact, this was probably the most drunk he’d been in quite a while.

“Same,” he said, and T’oast raised an eyebrow.

“Really? I thought you were looking to get laid?” he said. “Wasn’t that what the trousers were all about?”  
G’yozah laughed. “The only one on my radar tonight was you, and that’s not happening is it, unless you’ve changed your mind?” He winked, and T’oast predictably rolled his eyes.

“No way,” he said, and they started walking towards the dorm.

“Hmm, thought so,” G’yozah said, then grinned. “I got a kiss, though.”

T’oast laughed. “Hope you enjoyed it. You’re not getting a second one.”

“And if I dared you to do more?” G’yozah asked.

"Sorry, peer pressure only works if there are peers around to do the pressuring," T’oast said with a grin. He seemed more relaxed than usual. Maybe G’yozah should get him drunk more often.

”They were all a little surprised by your forwardness in the dares I think. Me too.”

T’oast frowned. "It’s how the game is played, isn't it? Everyone else was doing the same."

”Well most people were choosing truth because it’s easier,” G’yozah said, unwilling to let it go that easily.

"Is it?" T’oast shrugged. "Well, maybe next time."

Implying he was willing to go a next time. That was good. G’yozah should probably have dropped it there, but he was curious.

”Well those people didn’t have to strip and kiss people, or call professors. It was enough to tell us a few juicy details here and there. Most people would consider that less troublesome, I think.”

T’oast was silent for a bit after that. They were almost at their dorm now, and G’yozah figured maybe he had pried too much.

"...you really wanted me to choose truth, didn't you?" T’oast eventually said, then sighed. "What is it you want to know?"

“Um,” G’yozah said. He hadn’t really thought about the specifics. “Just want to know why you avoided it, I guess.”

T’oast was silent as he unlocked their door. “Don’t really like talking about myself.”

In other words, no more questions. G’yozah could take a hint.

“Fair enough,” he sighed, following T’oast inside. “Well, we’ve just told the whole party we’re fucking I guess, sorry about that.”

T’oast laughed. “Yeah, cause that’s the only reason people go home together,” he said. “Well, it’s not like I'm planning on fucking anybody else either, so it doesn't matter. Let them gossip if they want."  
“Hey! What if it dampens my chances on getting laid!”

"If none of the other guys did I don’t see why I should," T’oast said, then paused. "Please make sure nobody expects threesomes, though."

”How many people do you think dare potentially anger a knife juggling boyfriend, huh?”

"I doubt anyone thinks I’m your boyfriend, not to be mean but you do have a bit of a reputation," T’oast grinned.

”Yes, I created that reputation myself,” G’yozah said, puffing himself up, mostly for show. “I don’t want it ruined.”

"That works out then," T’oast smiled. It occurred to G’yozah that they were actually having a good time together. Secretive or not, his roommate could apparently be a pretty nice guy to be around. Who would have thought?

”You should come along again,” G’yozah said. “It’ll be fun.”

T’oast shrugged. “Sure, why not? It was okay, and the booze was decent."

“Hey, what about the company?” G’yozah fake-pouted, and T’oast just laughed.

 

***

One could perhaps say it was by pure chance – but Hariwald Walder did not believe in such coincidence – that his eyes fell on the familiar looking miqo’te walking across the yard. Those perfect, soft, wiggling ears. Not when it happened to be six months on the day, since he’d last seen that familiar shade of fur.

No, that was not chance. It was fate.

As was it fate, that the building he entered, followed by _another_ miqo’te, was the very building Hariwald had been assigned.

This was a gift from some heavenly power. There was no denying it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Increased creepiness levels.

T'oast looked like he needed a break. Badly. He was frowning deeply at the book on his desk, kept rubbing his eyes, and the stress toy in his hand seemed like it might explode any second. It had been going on for an hour already, and it was driving G’yozah mad. That was really not how to spend a Saturday.

"Hey, T'oast," he said. "Wanna come with me into town?"

It took a moment before T'oast turned around to look at him. The frown looked more confused now. "Sorry, did you say something?"'

"Do you wanna come with me into town?" G'yozah repeated. "I could use a second opinion on something."

"I should really study," T'oast said uncertainly and G'yozah raised an eyebrow.

"And how is that working out for you?"

T'oast's shoulders slumped. "Not well. I think I've forgotten how reading works."

G'yozah laughed. "You just need to rest your brain for a bit," he said. "So, shopping?"

"I can’t really spend much," T'oast sighed. "But I could use a new sweater, I guess."

"Excellent," G'yozah grinned. "Let's go! It will be fun."

G'yozah did have a few ulterior motives with dragging T'oast out into town. It wasn't that he wanted to get into his pants anymore — though of course, it wasn't like he would say no if T’oast changed his mind — but really, he was just curious. After the party, he had been looking forward to getting to know his roommate better, but T'oast still seemed to spend every waking moment at the library or buried in his books. Which was fair, T'oast was on a scholarship, but he was allowed to have a little fun every once in a while like everyone else.

"So what is it you need?" T'oast asked as they sat down in the bus on the way into the centre.

"Eyeshadow," G'yozah said. "My usual brand was discontinued a while back and I have now hit the pan, so it’s time to find a new shade or I’ll lose my on brand spot of purple in my inner corners. And that would be a scandal, if there ever was one."

"Not sure I'll be much help there," T'oast said. "My experience with makeup is limited."

"But not non-existent?" G'yozah asked curiously, and T'oast laughed. He already looked a little less tired.

"School play. Don't ask," he said.

"I'm definitely asking," G'yozah grinned. "What did you play?"

"One of the ugly stepsisters," T'oast admitted. "So yeah, you don't want your makeup to look like that."

G'yozah laughed. "First of all, rude! Who cast that?" he said. "And that eyeshadow is all I wear, anyway, so no risk of that."

They chatted easily all the way to the store. Sapphire Avenue Cosmetics wasn't the cheapest store in Ul'dah, but it wasn't the most expensive either. They had a nice selection of brands with a varying price range, and the perfume aisle was a little out of the way so the whole store didn't smell. G'yozah quite liked it, but T'oast looked a little uncomfortable.

"You okay?" G'yozah asked.

T'oast nodded. "Yeah, just feel a little out of place," he said. "I'll get over it."

"Alright, just tell me if you want to leave," G'yozah said. "Now, do you think Mysterious Midnight Orchid or Indomitable Grape looks better?" He held up the back of his hand next to his face, with two swatches of purple streaked across it.

"I think they should fire whoever came up with the names," T'oast said. "They are both a bit lighter than usual, aren't they?"

"Yeah," G'yozah sighed. "How about Mauve of Madness?" He picked up another tester, and dragged a swatch lower down on his hand.

T'oast pondered for a bit, looking between the stripe and G’yozah’s eyes. "The name is terrible but it works," he said. "I wouldn't realize it was different if I didn't know."

"Sweet," G'yozah said. He admired the colour for a bit before turning back to T'oast. "What about you?"

T'oast shrugged. "I don't need anything."

"It's not about needing," G'yozah grinned. "I think red would work on you."

T'oast looked unsure. "Wouldn't it just make me look like I've been crying?"

"Not if you do it right. Trust me," G'yozah said. He looked around for a bit before he found a decent shade. On sale, to reduce T'oast's inevitable protests. "This one."

"I'm not sure," T'oast said. "I don't use makeup anyway."

"But it would look good on you. You could wear it at parties," G'yozah said. "Cute guys get free booze."

"Right, and that's entirely without expectations, I'm sure," T'oast said mildly. "Fine, I'll try it."

"You won't regret it," G'yozah smiled. "You should come with me to the Dragonhead at some point."

T'oast didn't try to argue further. They paid for the eyeshadow and moved on and G'yozah wasn't entirely surprised when T'oast led him to a thrift shop for sweater shopping. It hadn't occurred to him before, but he supposed this was the reason T'oast's wardrobe was as varied as it was when it came to size and style.

"I'll just be a minute," T'oast said.

"If you think we'll leave without trying every stupid thing we find in here you're sadly mistaken," G'yozah said with a grin. "I bet I can assemble a stereotypically gayer outfit than you can."

"I bet you can," T'oast said with a laugh. "But sure, you're on. Gayest outfit wins."

"Winner has to wear it to the Dragonhead, where I still insist on taking you soon, there’s someone you should meet," G'yozah said.

They were competing, but that didn't keep them from going through the shelves close to each other, pointing out the most ridiculous stuff as they went.

"Look at this," T'oast said, holding up a sparkling monstrosity.

"Pink sequin trousers," G'yozah said in amazement and disgust.

"Not even. Chaps," T'oast said with a laugh. "Yours if you want them. I don't want to win _that_ badly."

"Agreed," G'yozah laughed. "Oh hey, purple leather hotpants!"

T'oast just shook his head with a smile.

G'yozah won the competition, presumably because he had less shame about the clothes he was prepared to wear on a night out. It was a _bold_ combination for sure, but even T'oast admitted it kinda worked. T'oast just got himself a neutral sweater and a pair of heeled boots, which was a bit of a shame. That red crop-top had looked pretty good on him.

“You should at least take the leather trousers,” G’yozah said. “They did wonders for your butt.”

“They were surprisingly comfortable,” T’oast said. “But I’m not sure when I would ever have occasion wear them.”

“The Dragonhead!” G’yozah said. “Or a party! Seriously, though. I guarantee you’ll get laid wearing those.”

“I’m not looking to get laid,” T’oast said.

“Fair enough,” G’yozah shrugged. “I still think you should wear them to the Dragonhead. The prince of your dreams might be there.”

“I’m not dreaming about a prince,” T’oast laughed. “I wouldn’t want one who just likes me for my ass, anyway.”

“But it’s your best feature!” G’yozah teased him with a grin. T’oast rolled his eyes, just smiling, but he did take the trousers with him when he went to pay.

The whole thing had been pretty fun. G'yozah hadn't learned many more facts about his roommate, but that wasn't the important part. He was getting to know T'oast, his likes, dislikes and just generally how he was to be around, and G'yozah enjoyed it. He could confidently say they were friends now. It was really nice.

“Wanna go pick up something to eat?” G’yozah asked as they were leaving the store.

T’oast frowned a bit. “I think I’ve splurged enough for today,” he said. “I’m gonna get some groceries and cook, I think.”

“Alright, so how about this,” G’yozah said. “I buy groceries, and you cook, and we share the food?”

“I...I wouldn’t say no to that,” T’oast said hesitantly. “Are you sure, though? I mean I could at least pay for some of the—”

“Don’t worry about it,” G’yozah said, grinning as he made a dismissive wave with his hand. “It’s technically my mother paying, and she would be ecstatic to know I’m eating ‘real’ food.”

“In that case, yes,” T’oast smiled. “What are you in the mood for?”

***

"I think you have a letter," G'yozah said, carelessly throwing the envelope in Toast's general direction.

T'oast looked at it. "There's no name on it," he observed. "What makes you think its for me?"

"I don't know, people usually message me on facetome," G'yozah shrugged. "You seem more of the letter type."

"Thanks," T'oast said, rolling his eyes. He tuned the letter over in his hands. It was thin, didn't seem to contain more than one sheet of paper. Probably some kind of advertisement, but just to be safe…

"Are you _smelling_ the letter?" G'yozah asked.

"Yes," T'oast said. "Just in case someone's sent something dangerous. Doesn't seem to be the case, though."

G'yozah laughed. "Jeez, you're paranoid."

T'oast ignored him, carefully opening the envelope instead. He frowned. It actually was a letter, it seemed. Hand-written and everything, though rather short. He quickly eyed through it, and frowned deeper.

"It's a weird...love letter?" T'oast said.

"Awh, congratulations! You have a secret admirer," G'yozah teased, but T'oast shook his head.

"Doubt it," he said, handing the letter over. "I don't have 'dusty pink' fur."

"It's pink-ish brown," G'yozah said in protest. He leaned over and eyed through the letter as well. "’Your sunny smile, your shiny fur, the way you feel inside…’ Wonder if it’s someone I’ve actually slept with or just a fantasy."

"Seems a bit creepy," T'oast said.

G'yozah shrugged. "It’s weird but probably harmless,” he said. “Wish they’d just come talk to me instead of sending letters, though. I'm up for pretty much anything once."

"Really? Anything?" T'oast asked.

"You got something in mind?" G'yozah said with a smirk. "Any kinks you want to try out with me?"

“Actually, yes,” T’oast said. “I have this kink called “cleaning the room’. You up for that?”

G’yozah threw a pillow at him.

 

***

It was as if fate had become his best friend.

He'd been curious of course, of that other miqo'te. The one G'yozah was so often seen with.

Who he shared a room with. Wondered if he was a threat to his hopes of getting close to G'yozah again, of touching those cute, almost scruffy ears again.

It took a few looks, a few times of careful staring, to place the other miqo'te's face.

But when he did, he realised how blessed he was.

***

T’oast, G’yozah had long since realised, was a bit of a weirdo.

His first impressions of his roommate had been _cute_ and _studious_ , quickly followed by _uncomfortable with flirting_ , all of which were still true. T’oast studied a lot, but he could juggle knives and had apparently started a fencing class on Wednesdays. He was a good cook, but did not say no to fast food when G’yozah offered to buy it. He had a tendency to be uncannily quiet. He always seemed to be doing something, and G’yozah was pretty sure he wasn’t sleeping enough.

None of these explained the current situation. G’yozah had come home one afternoon to find T’oast in a weird yoga position on the floor, touching his inner thighs with a disgruntled expression on his face. Not as compromising as some of the positions T’oast had sometimes found G’yozah in, but…

“Umm, should I leave or offer to help?” G’yozah asked, mostly as a joke.

“Actually, yes,” T’oast said, and okay, that was unexpected. “Can I look at your inner thigh?”

_Very_ unexpected. “Sure,” G’yozah said. He closed the door behind him and took off his trousers. Usually he would have made a bit more of a show of it, but this was T’oast, so it probably wasn’t about that. Probably. Unless he had a thigh fetish G’yozah didn’t know about.

T’oast made him sit down on the bed, legs spread, and then kneeled in front of him, which, okay, pretty hot, but he was just dragging his fingers across G’yozah’s inner thigh like he was looking for something. The touch was gentle but determined, though determined for what G’yozah had no idea. Still, it wasn’t unpleasant.

T’oast’s expression changed to a small smile as he apparently found what he was looking for, a vein maybe? He followed the probably-vein with his fingers, stroking G’yozah’s inner thigh very thoroughly in the process.

“You know,” G’yozah said after a little while, clearing his throat a bit. “I’m gonna end up with a hard-on if you keep doing that.”

T’oast looked up at him, eyes wide like he only now realised the position they were in. “Oh,” he said, “Sorry.” Cheeks flushed, he got on his feet.

G’yozah laughed. “It’s okay,” he said. “I knew you were gonna end up between my legs eventually.”

T’oast threw his trousers at him. “It wasn’t about that,” he muttered, still flustered.

“I know,” G’yozah smiled as he got dressed. “What was it about though? I somehow doubt you just suddenly had a craving for touching thighs.”

“Studies. It’s a vein that often gets injured on athletes, but it’s not in the same place on miqo’te as hyur or lalafell,” T’oast said. “My books and the models in class don’t have a lot of miqo’te examples in general.”

“Well, if you ever need to feel more body parts, I’m your guy,” G’yozah said, then grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. “Wanna play doctor?”

T’oast gave him a dry smile. “It’s weird how tempted I am to take you up on that, but not in the way you’re thinking,” he said. “Thank you for the help though. I appreciate it.”

“Make me dinner, and we’re even,” G’yozah said. “After all, I’ve paid for it with my _body_.”

T’oast rolled his eyes. “Dinner is on me then.”

“I’m kidding, I’ll still pay for it,” G’yozah said, playfully patting T’oast’s head. His fluffy hair didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. “I have a craving for roast beef. Do you think you could make that?”

“If the oven can handle it,” T’oast said, frowning. “It heats things annoyingly unevenly.”

“Potentially more beef and less roast then,” G’yozah laughed. “Let’s try it.”

“Let’s add some garlic potatoes and really test that oven’s limits, then,” T’oast smiled. His red eyes were shining, clearly excited about the idea.That was good. He had been studying too much lately.

“Looking forward to it,” G’yozah grinned. He threw his bag over his shoulder, getting ready to go grocery shopping. Where was his keys? Oh well, T’oast would grab keys. “And let’s get dessert.”

“Are we celebrating something?” T’oast asked as he followed G’yozah through the door.

“Yes,” G’yozah said. “Either the oven’s successful attempt or its funeral.”

“We should get wine then,” T’oast said. “Toast to its success or demise.”

“You said it, not me,” G’yozah grinned, and T’oast bumped his shoulder as they walked out.

 

***

_It's been so long now, but I will never forget the softness of your fur._

_How it felt under my fingers, against my lips, my mouth._

_Or how your tail felt against my thighs as we made love._

_I will feel it again, soon._

_Have you missed me too?_

 

***

The Dragonhead was not what T’oast had expected. He had been picturing a modern club, all shiny surfaces and neon lights. What he walked into instead was stone walls decorated with tapestries, a wooden bar desk, chairs and tables and even an imitation fireplace in a corner. Sure, there were a lot of barely dressed people dancing to the earworm of last summer, but the best word for the place was cozy. It felt like a safe, welcoming space.

“Good, isn’t it?” G’yozah grinned at him, and T’oast nodded.

“I like it,” he said, and G’yozah’s ears wiggled with joy, then something caught his attention by the bar.

“Haurchy!” he greeted happily, quickly making his way towards the tall man behind the counter. Well, tall from T’oast’s perspective. For an elezen he was probably pretty average. Not all that traditionally handsome, but his smile as he turned towards G’yozah was open and contagious.

“G’yozah!” he exclaimed, actually getting out from behind the bar to give G’yozah a hug. “It’s been almost two weeks, I’m almost offended!”

There was some mutual groping going on in that hug that T’oast actively decided to ignore, then G’yozah finally took a step back.

“I know right? Life happens and all that, but maybe you’ll forgive me when you meet my _roommate_ here,” G’yozah said, a weird emphasis on roommate that made T’oast frown a bit, as he gestured towards T’oast. T’oast cautiously made his way over, hoping that greeting was a G’yozah exclusive.

“Ohh, finally!,” Haurchefant grinned, looking over to T’oast, gesturing wildly as he spoke. “Welcome to Dragonhead. My name is Haurchefant.”

“I’m T’oast, G’yozah’s roommate,” T’oast introduced himself, shaking Haurchefant’s hand when it was offered.

“I’ve been looking forward to meeting you!,” Haurchefant responded with another warm smile. “G’yozah’s told me a lot about you. Come, over here. Let me make you some hot chocolate.”

T’oast was a bit taken aback, confused even, but G’yozah just grinned. “He does this for all the baby gays,” G’yozah whispered as they sat down by the bar. “It’s sweet.”

“I’m not a baby, what have you told him about me?” T’oast whispered back, but G’yozah ignored him.

They chatted with Haurchefant for a while and it was nothing but nice, but eventually the friendly man had to return to serve other customers, and G’yozah and T’oast headed out on the dance floor. It was fun, T’oast enjoyed dancing and G’yozah was good company, but soon enough he excused himself to head back to the bar. After all, G’yozah was looking to get laid tonight.

“Not your type of music, T’oast?” Haurchefant smiled as he approached. He was currently in the middle of making a cocktail of some sort, for an elezen customer.

T’oast shrugged. “Is there anyone who unironically enjoys The Dodo Five?” he said, causing both Haurchefant and the elezen customer to laugh. The customer turned towards T’oast with a smile. He was very pretty, T’oast noticed. Delicate features, striking blue eyes and curly black hair. Shame G’yozah was still on the dancefloor. He would be all over that.

“Can I get you anything?” Haurchefant asked, gesturing around the bar.

“Um, actually,” T’oast said, looking up at Haurchefant. “I was hoping to get another one of those hot chocolates?”

Haurchefant smiled, starting to prepare. "On the house," he said, when he handed the finished drink over.

"Oh, but..." T'oast protested weakly, but was silenced by a laugh and a handwave before Haurchefant moved on to serve other customers.

"First time here?" Tall, dark and pretty said. It took T’oast a moment to realise the question was aimed at him.

"Yeah," T'oast said. "This is the most pleasant initiation I've ever been through."

The elezen laughed a bit at that. "I would imagine so," he said, turning fully towards T'oast to offer his hand. "My name is Aymeric de Borel."

"T'oast Tia," T'oast said, shaking his hand.

"Unusual name," Aymeric commented, and T'oast shrugged.

"So I've heard," he said. "From yours, I'm guessing Ishgard?"

"Correct," Aymeric smiled. "But I studied at the university here some years ago. I'm visiting friends for a couple of days."

"I'm still studying," T'oast said. "But I came from Gridania."

They talked for a while, about Ul'dah and the university and the like. Aymeric seemed like a nice guy, but T'oast was a bit unsure if he was just being friendly or if he was looking for something more.

"How much do you know about Ishgard?" Aymeric asked.

"Not much," T'oast said. "Cold, strong border patrol, huge income inequality, sweet desserts."

Aymeric chuckled. "A curious list of facts, but all those are true," he said. "I'm working towards making Ishgard more open to trade, which should help the inequality problem as well."

"Depends on how it's done," T'oast said. "And you're talking like you're in charge of it."

"Not on my own, of course,"Aymeric said. "But I did recently get elected to the House of Lords, so I'm preparing a proposal."

T'oast stared, wide eyed. "That's...nice?" he said. He wasn't familiar with the Ishgardian system of government, but House of Lords sure sounded like it meant money and family connections. What was Aymeric doing in a gay bar in Ul'dah talking to someone like T'oast, anyway? T'oast frowned. The answer was obvious, he supposed.

"You look unhappy," Aymeric commented. "Are you not fond of politicians, perhaps?"

"I've never really known any," T'oast said uncertainly.

"Perhaps then this is an opportunity," Aymeric said, leaning forward a little bit.

“Perhaps,” T’oast said. “But I suspect our goals are not the same.”

Aymeric frowned. ”Meaning?”

“Meaning I’m not planning on going home with anyone today,” T’oast said. “And I suspect you are.”

“Oh,” Aymeric said. “That’s...disappointing, if I’m honest.”

“Sorry, nothing personal,” T’oast said, taking another sip of hot chocolate. It was mostly cold by now. He felt a bit bad, but it wasn’t like he had been leading Aymeric on or anything. Not intentionally, at least.

“No, it’s fine,” Aymeric said. “I wasn’t particularly looking for...”

T’oast raised an eyebrow, and Aymeric sighed.

“Well, yes, I suppose I was,” he amended. “I don’t have the opportunity to go out a lot.”

“I can Imagine,” T’oast smiled. “Well, I’m sure you could easily find someone in this crowd.”

“I think I’ve lost my nerve,” Aymeric said with a small laugh. “If you don’t mind, I’d rather just talk for a while longer.”

“Sure,” T’oast said. “Tell me about your equality proposal?”

Aymeric smiled. They talked for a while longer, before T’oast looked at the time and decided he had been out long enough. He still needed to study the whole day tomorrow, after all.

“I can relate, I too have hundreds of pages to read tomorrow,” Aymeric said. “It was nice meeting you, T’oast.”

“Likewise,” T’oast smiled. He wondered briefly if he should ask for Aymerics phone number, but it seemed like giving off the wrong message, so instead he left. He caught G’yozah’s eye as he made his way towards the exit, and gestured that he was leaving. G’yozah left the dancefloor and ran up to him.

“You’re leaving? _Seriously?_ ” G’yozah exclaimed.

“Yes?” T’oast frowned. “Do you wanna come?”

G’yozah just squinted his eyes at T’oast. “Are you _sure_ you’re not straight?” he said. “Cause I just watched you walk away from _Aymeric_.”

“I mean he’s pretty,” T’oast said uncertainly. “But I’m not looking for a one night stand.”

G’yozah started laughing. “T’oast, oh man,” he said in between laughs. “Poor guy. Absolutely everyone else in this club would have gone for it. He’s like, hella wanted.”

“He’s still there if you want to try,” T’oast said, but G’yozah grinned and shook his head.

“Been there, tried that. Last year,” he said. “But man, T’oast, if not even Aymeric can get it, how high are your standards?”

“I have no standards,” T’oast said.

“Fair enough,” G’yozah said. “One day I will find out what your type is.”

T’oast rolled his eyes. “Are you coming home or not?”

G’yozah shook his head. “Nah, unlike you I didn’t say no, just came to laugh at you a bit first,” he said, ruffling T’oast’s hair. “See you tomorrow.”

G’yozah ran off, and T’oast left the Dragonhead. It was a nice place, really. He wouldn’t mind coming back, for more hot chocolate if nothing else.

 

***

There were rumours. Rumours that the two residents of room 42 on the second floor of Hariwald's building were together. An item. _Fucking_.

It made Hariwald's skin prickle in a fascinating way.

Was he jealous? Probably a little.

But mostly, he saw potential. He saw what he could have.

The dream.

And it made him shiver with delight.

***

"You got any plans tonight?," G'yozah asked, closing his notebook and officially giving up on memorising any more for his exam. He'd do well enough, anyway.

"Yeah, common blood-related illnesses in dunesfolk, how so?," T'oast mumbled without looking up from his book just nearby.

"Doesn't count, you've studied enough."

T'oast sighed. "I've got an exam."

G’yozah put on his most convincing voice, ready to recite the speech he’d mentally told himself so many times. With a few T’oasty adjustments.

"Yup, and you've been studying for it nonstop, every day. I get that you experience pressure to get well above average grades due to your scholarship, buuut I can guarantee that panic reading all through the last night will not work in your benefit. Instead, I propose relaxing, and going in with a calm mind tomorrow morning! That make sense?"

T'oast looked at him for a moment, and G'yozah hoped he'd take his advice. If G'yozah was T'oast, he would have taken that advice, definitely. And G'yozah did mean it. He'd tried that a few times, early in his first year to impress his mum but— He quickly realised that he did better the times he'd just done his studying normally and not panicked beforehand. Made life a lot easier too.

Now of course, T'oast wasn't G'yozah, so it might not work for him. But, they'd still potentially get a comfy and fun night, so it was a win regardless.

"Fair enough," T'oast said eventually, and closed the thick textbook. "What did you wanna do?"  
"Let's get ice cream and watch a movie."

"Ice cream," T'oast said in a questioning tone, and G'yozah laughed.

"Yeah I just feel like it. I mean, I can adjust if you'd rather snack on something else."

"Nah, ice cream's fine."

G'yozah grinned and got up to put on his jacket. Their closest option was the convenience store just a couple of blocks off campus, and sometimes they had a stock of Bon & J'herry's. And that was worth the walk.

As it turned out, they were in luck. Granted, it had actually been raining (Raining? In Ul'dah? The world must be ending!), and T'oast wasn't particularly impressed, but G'yozah had successfully distracted him from feeling wet by buying him the spice set that had been on offer near the till.

And now they were back inside their room. With the ice cream. All in all, a successful plan so far.

"I figure we just open my tomeflix and see what we can find?," he asked, spoons from the kitchen in one hand and ice cream tub in the other.

"Sure," T'oast responded, and sat down on G'yozah's bed, making himself comfortable in a familiar way. It was funny honestly, for someone to be that comfortable on G'yozah's bed without having ever fucked him. Impressive honestly. And somehow nice, he was starting to feel.

He opened his laptop and logged into tomeflix, quickly flipping through their options. It looked like they'd added a whole batch of new things, but as usual most of it looked quite boring. They commented on a couple of shows, not really too impressed by them, until a few categories down one movie caught G'yozah's eye.

"Hey isn't this the one that was pretty big a year or so ago? Have you seen it?"

"The Crimson Saviour? I don't know, sounds familiar, sure, but I don't go to the movies."

"It's only worth it for the popcorn, really," G'yozah commented with a laugh, and clicked open the description of the movie.

"We could make popcorn," T'oast said, and honestly, he was right. There was no reason they weren't making popcorn.

"You're a genious, T'oast. Let's do that next time. With lots of butter."

_In a post-apocalyptic world, where the power of magic has birthed ruthless wars, one unlikely hero must find balance and save his country, a country on the brink of collapse. Light and darkness, love and hate, black and white-- He will walk the path between, the path stained in red. He will become the Crimson Saviour._

"Sounds fairly shit to be honest," G'yozah said with a laugh, having read the summary.

"But suitably mindless?" T'oast added, and G'yozah agreed.

"Yeah, might as well, and then we'd have something to complain about that is not studying. Actually though," G'yozah continued. "I've heard it was filmed near Ala Mhigo, so that'll be nice to see."

"Oh?," T'oast asked, as G'yozah pressed play.

"Yeah, My family's from there, but I've never been. They moved out way before I was born."

”I see, I didn’t know that.”

”Nahh haha, not much to know because I don’t know anything either. Just, will be interesting to see. I haven’t seen much of it outside basic geography.”

”They don’t talk about it much these days, do they.”

”For good reason, I guess,” G’yozah said. “Would be nice to visit sometimes, but visas to get into Garlean territory are hard to get.”

T’oast just hummed, and they watched the movie in silence for a while, with the ice cream tub between them. The movie was made in a visually pleasing way, catching one’s interest quickly, even if the plot was quite mediocre. G’yozah soon found himself wanting to know how it would end for the spell-casting protagonist. Only to, of course be disappointed, when the credits started rolling a good two hours later, with said protagonist stuck in a life or death situation.

”Why do they always do this!,” he complained, and T’oast laughed.

”Because they want you to pay to see the sequel.”

”Meh, if we can have popcorn at home I wouldn’t pay for that.”

”Me neither,” T’oast agreed unsurprisingly.

”It’ll be on tomeflix eventually anyway.”

”Well you do pay for that, don’t you? The subscription.”

”No I don’t,” G’yozah said, flashing a grin.

T’oast raised an eyebrow, looking quite doubtful and almost judging. G’yozah kept grinning.

”It’s on my mum’s credit card,” he explained with a laugh.

 

***

_I’ve seen you, and it makes my fingers itch._

_Itch to touch you, to taste you._

_To hold onto your tail and thread my fingers through your fur as I fuck you._

_Or perhaps lick it, as you ride me._

_Which would you prefer?_

_Well, nothing will stop us from doing both. We will have time._

 

***

T’oast was just about ready to collapse. He had followed G’yozah’s advice to not panic study during the night, but he had woken up early to panic study instead. The exam had gone well, though. T’oast was fairly confident he’d get a good grade, assuming he hadn’t gotten something mixed up.

Either way, it was out of his hands now, and he was looking forward to a few days of rest. He still had classes, but no exams or essays for a bit. Thank the gods.

G’yozah was already home when T’oast entered the dorm room. He was sitting on his bed, frowning at a piece of paper in his hands, but he looked up as T’oast entered.

“Hey, how did it go?” he asked.

“Pretty good, I think,” T’oast said, putting his bag down on his desk. “How about you?”

“Good enough. I’ll pass,” G’yozah shrugged. “Listen to this: ‘ _To hold on to your tail and thread my fingers through your fur as I fuck you_.’”

“Gross,” T’oast said. “Another letter?”

“Yeah, you think the guy would have known to give up by now,” G’yozah sighed, folding the letter into a plane. He aimed for the bin between the desks, but the plane made a loop and landed too far left. “Awh. So close.”

T’oast laughed as he picked it up to place it in the bin. “Better luck next time,” he said, then sat down beside G’yozah on the bed. “I’m so tired.”

“Not surprising, you were up before I was, for once,” G’yozah said, ruffling T’oast’s hair. “You gonna be okay for the party tonight?”

“Yeah, honestly I’m looking forward to the booze,” T’oast said. “I hope no one dares me to striptease again, though. I’m too tired.”

“The sleepiest striptease,” G’yozah laughed. “I probably won’t be home tonight.”

“How unexpected,” T’oast joked. “So what do you wanna eat before the party?”

 

***

He waited a few minutes after the boys left.

Their door opened easily. Of course it did, he had the key.

But if fate had wanted to, it could have kept him out. He was sure.

He closed the door behind himself carefully, locking it from the inside.

He didn't want anyone to find him. Yet.

Which bed was G'yozah's? Though they must share, he was sure.

He sniffed, and an almost heavenly scent filled his nose. Slightly earthly, soft, with a hint of citrus. Shampoo.

Hairs.

Yes. There were loose hairs on the pillow. All of them pink, though.

Fascinating.

Hariwald walked to the nearest desk, found a paper and a pen, and returned to the bed, making himself comfortable.

Another deep breath, face buried in the pillow, was all it took to get started.


	3. Chapter 3

G’yozah was in the middle of opening N’kalo’s zipper with his teeth when his phone rang.

“Just ignore it,” N’kalo said, but G’yozah pulled back.

“It’s T’oast’s ringtone,” he said, stepping back to answer the phone despite N’kalo’s groan of protest. He had seen T’oast at the party less than half an hour ago, it was weird for him to be calling now.

“What’s up, T’oast?” G’yozah answered the phone.

“Hi, sorry,” T’oast said. He sounded a bit freaked out. “Did you go by the dorm room before going to...whoever’s place?”

G’yozah frowned. “No, why would I have?”

“Oh, okay,” T’oast said, sounding even more distressed now for some reason. “Call me when you’re finished over there, okay? I’ll be with some friends. Don’t go to the dorm alone.”

“T’oast, what the hell?” G’yozah said. “What’s going on?”

“I’ll tell you later, just finish what you were doing and then call me.”

“T’oast, just tell me what’s wrong.” G’yozah said. “Why shouldn’t I go to the dorm alone?”

There was a moment of silence, then T’oast sighed. “There was a letter when I got there.”

Oh, was that it? G’yozah laughed softly in relief. “You’re being paranoid again. There are letters all the time. Sure they are weird and kinda gross but they’re not dangerous.”

“You don’t understand,” T’oast said. “There was a letter _inside the room._ ”

G’yozah went cold. “You mean… by the door, right? Like someone pushed it under the door?” he asked hopefully.

“It was on your bed, G’yozah,” T’oast said. “Along with two roses.”

“Shit,” G’yozah swore, unsure what else to say. He was in no way equipped to deal with something like that. That was just… “Did you call the police?,” he asked quickly.

“Not yet. I’m not sure they will take it seriously, anyway,” T’oast said, and G’yozah suspected he might be right. The U’ldah police weren’t known to be the most efficient of police forces, unless money was involved.

“Where are you now?” G’yozah asked instead.

“I went back to the party,” T’oast said. “Going to try and get a hold of some friends to crash with.”

“I will be right there,” G’yozah said, ending the call before T’oast could protest. He looked back up at N’kalo, who was watching him with a frown. “Sorry, got an emergency,” he explained, quickly zipping his own trousers back up.

“Your roommate okay?” N’kalo asked.

“Yeah, but I need to go,” G’yozah said, picking up his discarded shirt from the floor and throwing it back on. “I’ll see you some other time, I’m sure.”

He left N’kalo’s room and rushed back to the party, trying to ignore how unsafe the campus suddenly felt. Maybe he should have asked N’kalo to walk him back, but it hadn’t seemed necessary at the time. He’d just headed out, full speed.

Though, the party wasn’t far away, and he reached what was left of it without incident. Most people had gone to bed, but there were still a few drunk stragglers around and a group having an intense conversation in a corner. T’oast was standing alone, anxiously looking at his phone. G’yozah walked up to him, relieved that he was alright.

“Hey,” G’yozah said, placing a hand on T’oast’s shoulder. “How are you doing?”

“I’ll live,” T’oast said with a pale smile. “Sorry to interrupt your fun.”

“It’s fine,” G’yozah said. “Should we go back and look?”

“Probably best to wait until morning,” T’oast said. “Just in case.”

G’yozah nodded. “I’ll give Haurchefant a call. I’m sure he won’t mind us taking his couch for a night.”

“Alright,” T’oast agreed. “Let’s get some sleep, and deal with this tomorrow.”

 

***

_I’m writing this from your bed. I wonder how that makes you feel. Are you confused? Excited? Will you be happy to find what I’ve left behind here? Or will you be mad? Mad you missed me?  
I’m sad you weren’t here. I would have liked to be here at night, when you take pleasure in each other. But you don’t take as much pleasure in each other as I would. As I did. _

_I want to run my fingers through your pink hair and feel you shiver as I lick your ears. I remember the way they twitched. I remember how willing you were to try things, and there are so many new things i want to try._

_I have never forgotten those weeks, so many years ago, and how soft your fur was. It still looks as soft, but you’ve grown so much bigger, my little Mittens. What would I have to pay to wrap your soft, fluffy ears around myself and come in your hair again? You could touch each other at the same time. I would like to see that._

_I will meet you soon. I’m sure of it._

***

Cold shivers ran up G'yozah's spine as he read the letter over T'oast's shoulder. What that guy had done, what he had _wanted_ to do, on his own bed... G'yozah felt violated. His skin crawled. How stupid and naive he’d been, sleeping with someone like this. And T'oast… It clearly talked about… _Both_ of them. Or— _someone_ else at least. Mittens?

That was just ridiculous. "As if you would have slept with a creep like this. He's clearly delusional," G'yozah said with a nervous laugh.

T'oast didn't answer. He was still staring at the letter.

"T'oast?" G'yozah asked, but T'oast still didn't seem to hear him. Something was clearly wrong with his roommate. “It’s okay, T’oast. It’s me he’s after, he probably just included you because we live together.” Still no reaction. “Don’t worry, T’oast, I know who it is now. Grossest person I’ve ever slept with, I didn’t know I could do so much better yet at that point it was— A bad decision. But this Hariwald guy practically chewed up my-”

“Ears,” T’oast said, barely audible. “I know.”

G’yozah stared at him. Sure, the letter made the guy’s kink pretty clear, but the way T’oast said it, it seemed like he knew. From personal experience. Like the letter suggested. _Mittens_.

T’oast dropped the letter on the floor and ran off, into the bathroom. Seconds later he could hear the sounds of him throwing up. G’yozah could relate. The whole thing was sickening.

But still, T’oast and that guy? T’oast, who had turned down everyone, including G’yozah, including freaking _Aymeric_ , sleeping with _that guy?_ It made no sense. _And why did it call him Mittens?_

G’yozah followed T’oast into the bathroom. He was leaning over the toilet bowl, apparently having finished throwing up what little he had eaten at Haurchefant’s earlier. Now he was trying to empty an already empty stomach. G’yozah could sympathise. But he was curious. And confused.

“Is it true?” G’yozah asked. “Is it really— Is he talking about you? Why is he... Did you really sleep with him too?”

It took T’oast a while to answer. “It… It was...years ago,” he finally managed. G’yozah went to get him some water, and T’oast accepted without looking at him.

“What happened? Was he different then? Why is he— Why is he calling you Mittens?” G’yozah asked, the questions just slippeding out after each other.

“No,” T’oast said. “He wasn’t different. But I was.” He took a deep breath. “I needed the money.”

G’yozah stared at him. “You—”

T’oast stomach decided it couldn’t handle water, and he returned his attention to the toilet bowl. G’yozah looked at him for a moment, realizing he had no idea who T’oast had been before they became roommates. From Gridania, possibly by way of Limsa or the other way around. That was it. It had suddenly become clear to him how little he really knew.

But. He knew who T’oast was _now_.

G’yozah kneeled beside T’oast, gently rubbing his back and stroking his hair back, and out of the way.

“We’ll figure this out. We’ll talk to the dorm supervisor, and the police,” he said. “We’ll get him. It’ll be okay.” He said it for himself, as much as for T’oast.

T’oast didn’t answer, but he didn’t push G’yozah away, either. G’yozah continued rubbing his back and handing him water when he needed it.

They would be fine, G’yozah decided. One creepy asshole with a miqo’te fetish wasn’t going to break them.

 

***

The dorm supervisor had been entirely unhelpful. Worse, even. The man sneered at them, particularly at G’yozah, suggesting that his _lifestyle_ had brought this problem, and that they had probably left the door unlocked themselves. T’oast was fuming with anger on G’yozah’s behalf, but he couldn’t openly antagonise the dorm supervisor. Any retaliation would have to be careful and anonymous, but they had bigger problems at the moment.

They filed a report with the police, who nodded in sympathy but told them they had no resources for these kind of small problems, but if they had any conclusive proof they would of course arrest the one responsible. T’oast didn’t even bother getting angry. He hadn’t expected anything from the police in the first place.

On the way home, he bought a chain for the door. Technically it wasn’t allowed, but with luck the dorm supervisor wouldn’t find out. By the time evening came, he had made sure nobody was getting in to assault them while they slept.

“That’s good, that helps,” G’yozah said. He sounded nervous, and T’oast didn’t blame him. He didn’t want to stay in this room either, but they hadn’t been allowed to change, and they couldn’t stay at Haurchefant’s indefinitely. So they had made the room as safe as they could. The chain was fastened at the door, and there was a chair blocking it for good measure.

T’oast climbed up into his bed, sighing deeply as he lay down. He suspected it would be a long night, but he had classes tomorrow and needed the sleep. So did G’yozah, though he was still pacing aimlessly around the room.

“You okay?” T’oast asked, looking at him over the edge of the bed. G’yozah gave him a nervous smile.

“Yeah, it’s just…I don’t want to sleep there,” G’yozah said. “I know we changed the sheets and cleaned up and everything but…”

He trailed off, but T’oast understood.

“Do you want to sleep there instead?” T’oast asked. “We can switch.”

“You don’t want to sleep here either,” G’yozah pointed out. “Can I— Can I just sleep with you?”

T’oast hesitated. He wasn’t really used to sleeping close to people, and the bed really wasn’t made for two.

“I promise I won’t do anything,” G’yozah said suddenly, and T’oast’s head snapped up to look at him. He sounded small, somehow, like he actually thought T’oast thought he would do something against his will. That hurt, somehow. Sure, G’yozah slept around, but despite the continuous flirting he had always accepted when people turned him down. He was a good friend, probably the best friend T’oast had ever had. Maybe that would change, if G’yozah knew the full story about him, but so far he hadn’t pried.

“I know,” T’oast said, scooting closer to the wall. “Try not to crush me in your sleep.”

G’yozah was smiling in relief when he climbed up and lay down beside T’oast. It was a tight fit, both of them having to lie on their sides to not be on top of each other. Still, G’yozah’s back against his was comforting. He felt safe. T’oast closed his eyes, starting to relax.

“Thanks, T’oast,” he heard G’yozah say just as he was drifting into sleep.

“Anytime,” he smiled.

 

***

G’yozah woke up feeling cozy. Whoever he was snuggled up against was warm, and soft, and G’yozah moved a little closer, leeching off that warmth some more. He sleepily buried his face into the person's hair, and oh man, that was soft. Who did he sleep with last night...?

G’yozah’s eyes went wide when he realised just who he was snuggling with. _Shit! He’s going to kill me! I promised I wouldn’t do anything!_ G’yozah thought, suddenly wide awake, quickly moving away from T’oast. He realised too late why that was a bad idea.

G’yozah fell off the bed with a yell, bringing the blanket with him. Thankfully it wasn’t a bad landing, but his back and butt were definitely going to be blue for a while.

T’oast must have woken up from the sound, because he was looking down on G’yozah over the edge of the bed, hair tousled and sleepy eyes.

“You okay?” he asked, and G’yozah groaned.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine,” he said, getting on his feet with some effort. Nothing was broken or particularly hurt. Except his dignity, he supposed.

“So I can laugh?” T’oast asked, the concerned expression turning to amusement.

“Rude,” G’yozah said, scowling at T’oast as he laughed.

“Is that how you usually exit the bed in the morning after spending the night with someone?” T’oast asked, still clearly amused. The asshole.

“No, I usually stay and cuddle,” G’yozah said, hanging his head. “Which I was, in my sleep. Even though I promised not to do anything. I’m sorry.”

“I know, I woke up a couple of times during the night,” T’oast said. He swung himself over the bed and landed with much more grace than G’yozah did. “It’s okay. I didn’t mind. No need to apologise.”

“Oh,” G’yozah said, relieved, then he grinned. “So you’re saying I fell on my bum for nothing?”

“Pretty much,” T’oast laughed. “I’m not used to it, but it was kinda nice.”

“Right? I love cuddling,” G’yozah said. “But you know, there are other nice things...”

“Like breakfast?” T’oast asked, ignoring G’yozah’s sad attempt at flirtation. “You woke us up early, so we actually have time for a nice one.”

“I aim to please,” G’yozah laughed.

 

***

_I saw the chain at the door. I’m trying hard to not take it personally, but I don’t like it. It’s like you don’t want me here. Or are you trying to play hard to get?_

_Fine, I’ll play. It’s a bit exciting, to be honest. I’m coming to get you soon._

 

***

They showed the letter to the dorm supervisor.

“It was inside our room again,” G’yozah said nervously.

“He’s starting to sound threatening,” T’oast said.

The dorm supervisor looked at the letter, then back at them. “Well, I don’t know what you expect me to do about it.”

“He must be on staff here,” T’oast said. “There’s no sign of the lock breaking, so he must have the key. We know his name, Hariwald Walder, you should be able to check—”

“You can’t just go around accusing good people!” the man interrupted him. “I assure you, nobody on staff here would do anything like that. You two probably just keep forgetting to lock the door.”

“We don’t,” G’yozah protested, but the man wasn’t listening. He was eyeing the letter again.

“If this letter is even real. It sounds too dramatic.”

“It’s real. We’ve been getting them for months,” G’yozah said.

“Hmph,” The supervisor eyed through the letter again. “ _I’m coming to get you_. Well, it’s nothing you two won’t enjoy, anyway.”

“Excuse me?” G’yozah exclaimed.

“If you two kept yourself in check these things wouldn’t happen, but I guess you want it to,” the man said, handing the letter back. “Though I’m still not convinced you two didn’t just make this up for attention. There’s one part that concerns me, however.”

“Really? The part where he threatens to kidnap us, perhaps?” T’oast said, but the man shook his head.

“No more dramatics, please. I’m talking about the chain on the door,” he said. “You two know that altering the rooms in any permanent way is strictly forbidden. We’re going to have to charge you for the damages.”

“ _That’s_ what concerns you?” G’yozah said in disbelief.

“It is my job to make sure the rules of the dorm are being followed,” the man said. “Now, was there something else?”

“No, we’re done,” T’oast said angrily, already heading for the door. G’yozah followed quietly. Once outside, they stopped.

“I wish I could punch him in his unhelpful face, how _dare_ he,” T’oast muttered.

“Agreed,” G’yozah said. “What do we do now? The police again?”

“It’s worth a try, I guess,” T’oast sighed. “Maybe we’ll get lucky.”

They started walking out the dorm, towards the bus stop to go towards central. G’yozah kept looking around, but he saw no one suspicious.

“I can’t believe how hard it is to get help for this,” he said as they walked. “And the supervisor, suggesting we _want_ this.”

“I’m not surprised,” T’oast said. “People are unhelpful about this stuff in general, and, well, we’re miqo’te.”

“That shouldn’t matter!”

“No, it shouldn’t,” T’oast agreed. “But for some reason it does, to a lot of people.”

G’yozah sighed. “I know. I used to enjoy that it made me popular in the clubs, but...” he trailed off. “Well, let’s just say I’m pickier now than I used to be.”

T’oast gently patted his shoulder. “This is not your fault, you know that, right?”

“I know. And it’s not yours either,” G’yozah said. T’oast didn’t answer, and the bus arrived.

 

***

“I sympathise with the situation. Truly, I do,” the clerk at the police station said. “We simply don't have the resources to act on a suspicion.”

“It’s not a suspicion,” T’oast said. “We know who it is, we can point him out.”

“And he’s been leaving letters in our dorm,” G’yozah added. “That’s breaking and entering.”

“You don’t have any proof, I’m sad to say. Even so, nothing has been stolen,” the clerk said. “Your report have been noted, but the fact is that there’s nothing we can do until he does something.”

“But if he does do something, it might be too late,” G’yozah said.

“My best advice is to ignore the letters for now and don’t encourage him, and try not to be anywhere alone,” the clerk said. “Hopefully he will get tired of the whole thing and stop. Most likely the threat is just idle talk, but if he does get violent, call us immediately.”

They left the police station, feeling even worse than before. They walked in silence for a while, both lost in their own thoughts.

G’yozah eventually spoke. ”We should bait him,” he said, and in that moment T’oast hated him just a little bit.

For saying what T’oast had been working hard to stop himself from saying for the last hour. It was a reckless and dangerous idea, yet he’d realised they might have to go down that route already when they’d left the dorm office again.

He’d just thought that maybe, if he didn’t say anything, G’yozah would magically come up with a better idea, he was good at the simple solutions T’oast never thought of. But no.

G’yozah said _that_.

T’oast sighed. ”Yeah. I’ll do it.”

G’yozah’s eyebrows furrowed. ”No, T’oast, not to mention that you’re much smaller than me, he came for me first.”

”And how were you planning on baiting him?”

G’yozah looked thoughtful for a moment, face serious and concentrating. It looked weird on him. Smiles and grins suited him better.

”Well, he seems to be following us around now, what if we ask Haurchefant for help? And like— I leave the Dragonhead on my own? Let him follow me?”

T’oast snorted. It shouldn’t really have been funny, not in a situation like this, but it was.

” _You_ , leaving the Dragonhead, _on your own_.”

”I’ve done that! It’s not like I always— I mean, not often but, I have...” G’yozah’s voice trailed off.

”I know,” T’oast said, reaching out to ruffle G’yozah’s hair. ”But for baiting you want it to be as normal and usual as possible. And you know who often leaves the Dragonhead alone because their friend stayed and is gonna go home with someone else?”

G’yozah just pouted. Then sighed.

”I guess, but I don’t like it.”

”Me neither. But, I can defend myself, you know.”

”I doubt fencing’s gonna help you much there.”

”I’ve done plenty of other things, before, I’ll be okay,” T’oast said. And if he wasn’t, well, no one would miss him much. People would miss G’yozah.

G’yozah was still staring at the floor, brows deeply furrowed, like he had more protests on the tip of his tongue but he wasn’t sure how to phrase them. Well, they wouldn’t work.

Eventually, he sighed and pulled out his tomestone.

”I’ll call Haurchefant.”

A small part of T’oast wished G’yozah had protested just a little more.

 

***

T’oast forced himself to relax. The whole plan would be ruined if he showed signs of expecting something. T’oast was a good actor when he needed to be. He could do this. But he was _terrified._

_It’s better this way, he thought. It’s not G’yozah. Better you than G’yozah._

_“Better them than you, kid.”_

T’oast resolutely forced the voice away from his thoughts. He could deal with the voices later, and all the other shit Hariwald and being _bait_ threatened to drag up. He could cry later. Right now he was just heading home from the Dragonhead after leaving G’yozah to his one night stand. As usual. There was nothing special going on at all.

He stopped to tighten his shoelace. The perfect victim, occupied, unprepared, defenceless. If T’oast was the stalker he probably would have gotten suspicious, but he doubted Hariwald thought that far.

Sure enough, he heard steps approaching behind him. T’oast forced down the instinct to run.

He expected violence, in some form. Was counting on it, really, for the plan to work. He stood up and turned around, just in time to see the bat swinging towards his head.

_Oh, fuck_ , he had time to think before the world become white, sharp pain. Then everything went dark.

_At least it’s not G’yozah._


	4. Chapter 4

T'oast was gone before G'yozah could even shout. Hariwald just— _Scooped him up_ and carried him away, much quicker than they had expected, and G'yozah started running, running after him to catch him, not even sure what he would do. This was not how it was supposed to go. Hariwald was supposed to just— _hit on_ T'oast, try to coax him to come home with him, try to— this was—

"G'yozah— hey..!," Haurchefant's voice sounded behind him, hands grabbing G'yozah's arm and stopping him from running further.

"We need to catch him, he took—"

"I know, G'yozah, _breathe_ , let's go back and call the police right away. We can't fight back, it won't count as self defence, I've seen it so many times, G’yozah, come on."

G'yozah just nodded blankly, staring in the direction Hariwald had disappeared so quickly. How was he so quick? T'oast was tiny, but, he was still a body to carry, even for a tall highlander like Hariwald it—

He reluctantly let himself be pulled back to the Dragonhead, less than two blocks away, and be placed on one of the seats by the bar as Haurchefant quickly dialed the emergency number.

"We've got an emergency, a young miqo'te male has been kidnapped. Yes, he was hit on the head, no, I only witnessed it, outside the Dragonhead just off Topaz Plaza. My name is Haurchefant Greystone. Yes, this is my number. Yes, me and one other witness, G'yozah Tia, have returned to the Dragonhead just now."

G'yozah listened to Haurchefant answering their questions, his mind reeling and a large, heavy lump of something _uncomfortable_ growing in his chest as the scene of T'oast being slammed in the head played over and over in his head.

"T'oast Tia," he heard Haurchefant saying, and he wondered why there were so many questions, why they weren't just coming, why—

"Is everything alright?," a familiar voice suddenly asked next to him, and he turned to see Aymeric lean against the bar counter.

"He's— he's talking to the police," G'yozah said quickly. "T'oast was taken by this creep, or— we were trying to get a witness seeing him harassing us like, this guy's been stalking us and we just wanted to finally get someone to listen but— he, he had a _bat_ , he hit _T'oast_ , and just grabbed him and—"

"No, he did not leave willingly!," Haurchefant's voice suddenly rang, louder and more exasperated than before. "He was hit on the head, yes, I have one more witness here. You need to come, he needs to be found."

"I know who he is," G'yozah said, hoping Haurchefant would repeat that on the phone. He did, but it didn't seem to have any effect.

"Give me the phone," Aymeric said, holding his hand out towards Haurcehfant. "Just a moment," Haurcehfant said, and quietly passed the phone to Aymeric. G'yozah was squeezing his own fingers, restless and nervous, real fear starting to take its grip on him. Why weren't the police already coming? Why did Haurchefant sound so frustrated, why did _no one take them seriously?_

"This is Aymeric de Borel, member of the House of Lords in Ishgard speaking, yes, we have a young man who's been kidnapped, I assure you it's serious, there are lives at risk. Yes, we have information on the culprit." He listened for a moment, then continued. "I'm sure your leadership wouldn't look favourably on public negative opinions from within the alliance at this _sensitive time_ , not when the Ul'dahan police force is already under scrutiny for corruption, and with the vote on cross-border co-operation coming up so _soon_ ,"

He paused to listen again, and G'yozah was just staring. Then, eventually, he turned to G'yozah and whispered: "What was the stalker's name? You mentioned you knew."

"Hariwald Walder. He works as a janitor at the uni, I think. Definitely has a key to the dorms, he’s— been in our room several times."

Aymeric repeated the information to the police on the phone, and again stressed the seriousness of the situation before finally hanging up.

"They're on their way and they're looking him up."

G'yozah let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding. They'd find T'oast, they'd have to.

 

***

T’oast came into consciousness, wishing he hadn’t. His head felt like it had been split in two, and he wanted to throw up. Concussion probably. He was lucky to be alive, after a blow like that.

He opened his eyes, only to immediately close them again. The light made his stomach lurch, but not as much as what he had briefly seen. The closed room, the pictures on the the walls. Not the Dragonhead or the dorm. Not a hospital either, which meant he didn’t have to worry about not having insurance. Glass half full.

Eyes still closed, he tried moving a little. It did nothing to improve his headache, but it confirmed what he had already guessed. His hands and feet were tied up, and come to think of it, his mouth appeared to be covered. Better not throw up then. He might choke.

Though choking was probably better than whatever Hariwald had planned for him. The plan must have failed, if he managed to get T’oast with him without the others catching up. He wondered if he had any chance of getting rescued. If he did, they would have proof enough to get Hariwald arrested, at least. Provided the others could find him before he snapped and decided to kill T’oast. If they were even looking. T’oast frowned at himself. Of course they were looking, G’yozah at least. But he had no guarantees they’d find him, so he was on his own.

On his own, tied up and with a concussion. He didn’t like the odds.

T’oast tried to relax, figuring if Hariwald hadn’t noticed him waking up, he could buy some more time, getting some rest for his head. After all, he appeared unhurt, so Hariwald must be waiting until he woke up to… T’oast preferred not to think about it. His best plan at the moment was pretending to still be unconscious.

It worked for a while. He heard steps approaching and leaving several times, but the unconscious-routine seemed to be working. It wasn’t entirely an act, even. T’oast was pretty sure he slipped in and out a couple of times.

Eventually his time was up. He heard the steps approaching again, only this time they didn’t turn around. Instead the person sat down beside where T’oast was lying, then leaned over him. T’oast could smell sour breath, then something wet touched his left ear.

It was all T’oast could do not to puke, but his reaction was strong enough to make Hariwald realise he had woken up.

“You shouldn’t have moved, little Mittens,” Hariwald said, gently caressing T’oast’s face, making him look up at him. He had a manic glint in his eyes. “I almost hit your ears. What would we have done then?”

T’oast couldn’t answer, but Hariwald had paused like he was expecting one, so he made a muffled sound.

“I didn’t want to do it at all, you know that right?” Hariwald said, changing his position a bit. “But you two left me no choice. Why play these games with me?” He paused again, and one of his hands found its way inside T’oast’s shirt. T’oast really wished he wasn’t tied up. “All I wanted was to touch you, and G’yozah. Both of you, at the same time.” He leaned over to twirl his tongue around T’oast’s ear. T’oast could only lean away, but not far enough. “I know you want me too. I know you’ve missed me. Don’t play games anymore. It’s been exciting, but it’s over. I won.” He looked at T’oast, grinning happily. “And I’m going to claim my first prize.”

T’oast looked on in terror as Hariwald leaned over him again. He weighed his options. He could attempt to fight, maybe a headbutt, but even if he managed to not split his already fragile skull open he wouldn’t be able to run. All it would do is make Hariwald angry. He could cry, which would probably have the same effect unless Hariwald willfully misinterpreted it. He could pretend to enjoy it, which might get him better treatment, but he doubted he would be convincing. Or he could just wait it out, let whatever was going to happen happen, hope for a better opportunity. If things still were as they used to, Hariwald wouldn’t hurt him too bad.

T’oast went with the last option.

“I’m going to have to give you a bath later, get all that blood away,” Hariwald said to Toast’s ears. “But your fur is still so soft, so soft.”

He rolled T’oast over on his stomach, the hand inside his shirt moving to caress his tail while his mouth was continuing to drench T’oast’s ears in saliva. T’oast closed his eyes, trying to distance himself from what was happening. Imagining he was somewhere else didn’t work, so he concentrated on the pain in his head, letting it drown out the rest. It wasn’t that effective, but it helped.

“You’re going to love this. I remember how much you used to enjoy it,” Hariwald said. “I’ve been waiting—”

A sound interrupted him, like a doorbell from somewhere above them. An upstairs, maybe. At first T’oast thought he had imagined it, but Hariwald drew back.

“Not a sound, Mittens,” he said threateningly, then got on his feet and walked away. T’oast breathed out in relief. At least he got a respite.

He heard muffled voices from above, a conversation of some sort, then a yell rang out.

_“Where is he?!”_

G’yozah. And not alone, judging from the sound. There were other voices there.

T’oast closed his eyes and let himself relax. He wasn’t on his own after all.

 

***

G'yozah reluctantly watched as the medics swept T'oast away for a check up. He hated leaving him, but he was in good hands, and that blow to the head he had taken had looked nasty.

G'yozah looked around Hariwald’s basement with disgust. He probably wasn't supposed to be here, but so far nobody had remembered to chase him out. The wall was practically littered with pictures of miqo'te, mostly men, some in a state of undress. Only a few of them seemed to be aware they were being photographed. He and T'oast featured heavily, candid photos of them in the cafeteria laughing at some joke, on their way back from a party, dead drunk and arms around each other, talking on their way out of the dorm. It was sickening. G'yozah wanted to rip it all down.

He left it up for for additional evidence. But as he walked away, a photo caught his eye.

_Shit_ , G'yozah thought, looking at the miqo'te on the photo, half dressed, wet ears and dead eyes looking off into the distance, _that kid can't be more than 14 years old_ . He felt like throwing up again. He was just about to turn away when it hit him just how familiar that dark brown hair with the red streaks was. He leaned down to get a closer look, stomach growing cold with dread. The photo was old, but well kept. He had definitely seen the boy's red eyes before, often, but never so devoid of life. He swallowed back the bile raising in his throat. T'oast said it had been years, but... G'yozah had assumed assumed two or three, not... however long it had been since T'oast looked that young. No wonder he had reacted the way he did when they figured out who was behind the letters. _And G'yozah had let him back into that monster's arms!_

He ripped the picture off the wall and quickly scanned the rest of the wall for any others. There were three others that looked like T’oast, so he grabbed them too, and fled. He needed to see T'oast again. Make sure he was still okay, and safe. He needed to apologise. He needed to... to...fuck, he just needed to _be there_.

T'oast was sitting alone when G'yozah exited the house. He was wearing a blanket around his shoulders and a bandage on his head, but it seemed the medics had deemed him fit enough to not need the hospital. Or T'oast had chased them away, the absolute idiot.

G'yozah sank down beside him and put his arms around him. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

T'oast leaned against him, though he held onto blanket rather than return the hug. "I'm okay. Mild concussion, but it's not dangerous. They gave me pills against the pain."

"I didn't mean your head," G'yozah said. "Or, maybe in a way, but..."

T'oast smiled tiredly. "I'll be okay," he said, looking up at G'yozah. "Thank you. For coming after me."

"Of- _fucking_ -course I came," G'yozah said, angrily blinking away a few tears. "I should never have let him capture you in the first place! I'm so sorry, T'oast."

"Not your fault. We underestimated him," T'oast said.

"You should never have been the bait," G'yozah said. "If I had realised..."

T'oast frowned. "Realised what?"

G'yozah took out the small pile of pictures from his pocket, watching T'oast's eyes go wide. "How old even were you?"

T'oast sat up straight, no longer leaning on him, but G'yozah didn't let him go yet. "I told him I was fifteen," T'oast said.

G'yozah held him a bit tighter. "And how old were you, really?"

"I'm...not sure," T'oast said. "Thirteen, I think."

"T'oast, that's crazy! Where were your parents? How could you possibly need money that badly?" G'yozah exclaimed. T'oast flinched at the questions, so G'yozah lowered his voice. "I'm not blaming you, you were just a kid, but how could your parents have let you do that? I don't understand."

"I don't have parents. It's...it's a long story," T'oast said. "Can we— Can we talk about it later? In private?"

There was something in his eyes G'yozah didn't like, something like the dead expression he had in the photo. G'yozah gently stroked his hair, careful of the wound on his head.

"Alright," he agreed.

"Please don't mention it to the police," T'oast said, and G'yozah nodded.

"Don't worry, I won't," he said. "I'm glad you're okay."

T'oast gave him a weak smile, but said nothing else.

Soon enough the police came to bring them to the station to take their statements. G'yozah kept his promise, telling them nothing of what he had just learned, though both of them were forced to admit having slept with Hariwald Walder before. At least the lalafell taking their statements seemed sympathetic rather than judgemental, but it was still morning before they were finally released to go home.

They were dropped off outside the dorm, which G'yozah suspected they owed to T'oast’s concussion. The room still felt unsafe, like his brain hadn't caught up with the fact that Hariwald Walder was locked up and couldn't hurt them anymore. T'oast seemed to be feeling something similar, as he fastened the chain by the door without a word.

"Go to sleep," T'oast said tiredly. "I need to set an alarm to wake up in two hours or so."

G'yozah shook his head. "It's okay, I'll help wake you up," he said. "Come here."

T'oast looked like he was going to argue for a second, then he sighed. "Alright. But we're taking your bed. I don't want to climb unless I have to."

G'yozah smiled.

The sun was already up, but they climbed into G’yozah’s bed together, shuffling close and holding onto each other. G’yozah suspected T’oast needed it as much as he did, though he was bad at admitting it. G’yozah closed his eyes, feeling T’oast relax against him. They were safe. Finally they could sleep without worries.

At least until T’oast’s alarm went off, two hours later.

 

***

T’oast knew it was coming. He could see G’yozah looking at him in the days following Hariwald’s arrest, watched him open his mouth to say something and then close it again, out of sympathy for T’oast’s head, or because he knew it would be hard for him to talk about, T’oast supposed. But the question would come soon, no doubt about it. T’oast tried to prepare himself for it, but it terrified him. How do you prepare yourself for losing your your best friend?

It would have been easier if they never became close in the first place. T’oast had plenty of friends at the university that he had kept at a reasonable distance, like his roommate from last year. But G’yozah had somehow broken through T’oast’s defences without him really noticing, and he didn’t want to lose him. They had fun together. They were comfortable together. They actually cared about each other. For now. That was the worst part, in a way. G’yozah cared about him, and learning who T’oast really was was going to hurt him.

Maybe T’oast should pack his things in advance. If he talked with the dorm supervisor he could probably get assigned another roommate after Starlight. He could make do until then. Even in winter Ul’dah didn’t get that cold.

T’oast was sitting at his desk, too preoccupied with his thoughts to even see the text in the book open in front of him. He didn’t notice G’yozah approaching him until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“T’oast, do you have time?” G’yozah asked hesitantly. “You promised we’d talk.”

T’oast sighed and closed the book. No time to pack, then.

“Alright,” T’oast said, hating that his voice was already shaking a bit. “Sit down. This will take a while.”

G’yozah hesitated, then sat down on his bed, and T’oast turned his chair around to face him. He looked worried, but curious. He had no idea.

“I’m...I’m trying to figure out where to start,” T’oast said. It was only half true. He knew where to start, but did he really have to tell the whole story? Maybe he could just stick to the parts involving Hariwald? Maybe…?

“The beginning?” G’yozah suggested. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but— You don’t have parents ?”

T’oast closed his eyes. The whole story it was, then. “I don’t think I ever had a father beyond conception,” T’oast said quietly. “I barely remember my mother. She sold me when I was around six years old.”

“She...what?” G’yozah asked, eyes wide, then he laughed nervously. “You mean gave you up for adoption? For a moment I thought...no...” He trailed off as T’oast shook his head.

“There was a ring of traffickers operating out of Limsa Lominsa at the time,” T’oast said. “I was told she sold me for the price of a bottle of wine and a ferry ticket, but I don’t know if that was true.”

G’yozah stared at him, at a loss for words for once. For someone who slept around as much as G’yozah did he was remarkably innocent. T’oast heart ached, but he ignored it. He had to ignore it if he was going to make it through this.

“T’oast, I’m so sorry,” G’yozah said. He looked like he was going to attempt a hug, and T’oast held up a hand to stop him.

“Don’t,” T’oast said. “Don’t feel sorry for me. I worked for the traffickers as bait for seven years.”

G’yozah sank back down. “What?” he asked again. “How? You said you were six?”

T’oast nodded. “Children make the best baits,” he explained. “People don’t suspect them.” T’oast took a deep breath. “I knew it was wrong. But I was a coward. I didn’t want to be one of the kids they sold, so I worked for them.”

“You were six!” G’yozah exclaimed. “What could you have done?”

“A million things. I eventually did, much later, after helping destroy hundreds of lives,” T’oast said. “There was a guy in the organisation, a forger, a decent guy who had been tricked into joining. The ring leader had pretended to be in love with him. He— had a plan to get us both out of there, but I was an idiot and let it slip to the leader. They killed him, and it was my fault. But they didn’t know he had already made false papers for us. I managed to keep them.”

“T’oast,” G’yozah said quietly, but T’oast ignored him.

“When I was around twelve or thirteen, I finally got the opportunity and the nerve to flee,” T’oast continued. “I called the police, tipping them off with a list of names and locations and the operation that was going down at the time. It was far too late to help most of my victims, but I wanted to keep the gang occupied, so they couldn’t come after me. Then I jumped on a ferry leaving the city, with false papers and a story about visiting a grandparent.”

G’yozah opened his mouth again, but T’oast continued talking. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to find the courage again if he stopped now.

“My papers said I was from Gridania, so I was trying to make my way there, but I didn’t have a lot of money, and it ran out faster than expected,” T’oast said. “I stole some, but it was risky and not a lot of people carry cash around. So I found another way. That’s how I met Hariwald.” T’oast took another deep breath. It was almost over now.

G’yozah seemed to have understood that T’oast wasn’t going to let him speak until he was done, so he waited. His eyes looked wet. It was hurting him, then, like T’oast thought it would.

“I was hitchhiking in the South Shroud, and he picked me up. He was going all the way to Gridania, with some detours,” T’oast said. “It took weeks, but it was faster than it would have been on my own. He paid for food and lodgings, and in return, I was his pet. His Mittens.”

T’oast forced his breathing to be steady. With everything that had happened, the memories of his time with Hariwald felt like a fresh wound. “He named me himself, saying that’s the name he used to give to his favourite ‘pet’ back in Ala Mhigo, before the Garleans. Used to be rich and powerful, before he was forced to flee. He was happy to have found a new pet who was as— as obedient as I was.”

T’oast paused, fighting down the memories of what Hariwald did to him, made him do. How degrading it had been, even to a kid who had nothing. “I did everything he asked me to. He was taking me where I wanted to go, and he paid. Things were relatively safe with him, and he rarely hurt me much. But I hated every moment of being his pet.”

Turning his eyes to the floor, T’oast continued: “Eventually we made it to Gridania, and I ran away from him. I lived on the streets for a while, a couple of months maybe, mostly stealing to get by. Eventually I got caught, and placed in a series of foster homes. I did my best in school, and then I landed the scholarship that got me here.”

T’oast felt empty. He had poured it all out, and now nothing remained. Just G’yozah’s judgement. T’oast kept his eyes on the floor. It was dusty. He should have cleaned before he did this. He should have packed. He should have made this easier for G’yozah.

He heard G’yozah get up. Gods, was he just gonna leave without saying anything? Maybe it was for the better, it wasn’t like T’oast deserve anything else.

Instead, T’oast felt a pair of warm arms around him.

“I’m so sorry, T’oast,” G’yozah said, burying his face in T’oast’s shoulder as he hugged him tightly. “I can’t even… I’m so sorry.”

T’oast stared at the pinkish brown hair obscuring his vision. What was going on? Hadn’t G’yozah been listening?

“Don’t you get it?” T’oast asked, unable to stop his voice from shaking. “I’m responsible for people being enslaved and killed. I’m… I’m not a good person. You shouldn’t—”

“That’s bullshit!” G’yozah said. T’oast still couldn’t see his face, but he sounded angry. “You were a kid! You’re not responsible for anything those assholes made you do!”

“That’s not—” T’oast protested. “I knew it was wrong, I was just too—”

“Scared? Of-fucking-course you were!” G’yozah exclaimed into his shoulder. He leaned back, and T’oast could see the fury in his eyes. Weirdly, it didn’t feel directed at him. “You said yourself there were adults who had gotten tricked into it! What chance did you have as kid? And you still managed!”

“It took years, I should have—” T’oast tried, but G’yozah hit him on the head. It didn’t hurt, it was more of a pat, but it did shut him up.

“The only one blaming you is you,” G’yozah said. “You were a kid, and you got out, and turned your life around against all odds.” He paused, eyes watering. “And I fucking let you play bait again. T’oast, I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” T’oast asked, confused. Nothing made sense. “It was either me or you, and I was the better choice.”

“That’s not the point!” G’yozah shouted, then lowered his voice again. “You’ve been through enough! And that monster almost… T’oast, I’m so sorry.”

G’yozah hugged him tightly again, sobbing into his shoulder. T’oast awkwardly patted him on the back. It was starting to sound like...no, he didn’t dare to hope. Still, tears were stinging in T’oast’s eyes, as much as he tried blinking them away.

“It’s okay, G’yozah. It’s okay,” T’oast said, then hesitated. “Does this mean… I mean… you’re not gonna throw me out?”

G’yozah went still, and T’oast’s heart sank. He shouldn’t have brought it up. Slowly G’yozah pulled back to look at T’oast again. His eyes and nose looked a little red, and he was frowning.

“You thought I would throw you out?”

“Yes,” T’oast confessed. “That seemed... I mean who would want a criminal for a roommate? Especially someone like me?”

“T’oast,” G’yozah frowned. “I’m sure there are more criminals here than you think. I mean there’s the food thief. And I stole eyeshadow from a store once.”

T’oast looked at him, and he couldn’t help but laugh. “No, you didn’t.”

“Fine, I didn’t,” G’yozah said. “But the point still stands.”

“Shoplifting hardly compares to trafficking,” T’oast pointed out, and G’yozah made a frustrated sound.

“No, but you were not in control of that,” he said, then sighed, looking T’oast straight in the eyes. “You’re still the same guy I’ve been sharing a room with all this time, you know. Except the weird ways your mind works make a bit more sense now.”

“That’s...” T’oast tried.

“Shut it. You’re not changing my mind about this,” G’yozah said, moving back to the bed and patting the empty space beside him. “Now come here so I can hug you properly.”

T’oast stared at him. Slowly he was starting to realize this was actually how things were. G’yozah was not throwing him out. They were still friends. G’yozah knew everything, and _they were still friends!_

T’oast broke.

He didn’t even make it to the bed, he simply collapsed in a sobbing heap on the floor halfway there, and G’yozah moved down to put his arms around him. T’oast held on to him tightly as he cried, desperate for this to be real, for this one connection not to break. And it didn’t. When the tears finally slowed down, what felt like hours later, G’yozah was still there, still holding him.

“Feeling better?” G’yozah asked, gently patting T’oast’s head, and T’oast couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah. Thank you,” he said. He wasn’t thanking him for the question, and he was pretty sure G’yozah understood that.

“What are friends for?” G’yozah smiled. “You feel up for some food? I’m thinking some really unhealthy pizza.”

T’oast laughed. “Sounds perfect.”

 

***

It was an early evening at the Dragonhead, and Haurchefant had finally stopped fussing over T’oast long enough to actually let him sit down and drink. Just hot chocolate, again, but it tasted better than ever.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, T’oast,” Haurchefant said. “We were all so worried.”

“I did call you as soon as he was safe,” G’yozah pointed out with a smile, and Haurchefant nodded.

“Yes, but it’s still good to see it with my own eyes,” he said. “Let me know when you finish that, T’oast. I’ll make you another one.”

“I’m not even halfway through this one,” T’oast laughed. “I don’t suppose Aymeric is still around?”

“Unfortunately no, he had duties in Ishgard,” Haurchefant said. “But I have his number if you want to call him.”

T’oast bit his lip, thinking. On the one hand, yes, he should really thank Aymeric for his help, but on the other hand he was already running out of prepaid minutes and an international call was really gonna eat into it.

G’yozah bumped his shoulder. “I’m sure Haurchefant won’t mind you using the bar tomestone. Or you can use mine.”

“Of course,” Haurchefant said. He took up the tomestone and pressed a few buttons, then handed it over with Aymeric’s name already on the screen. “Here you go. Take as long as you need.”

“Thanks,” T’oast said, hesitating a bit before pressing call. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Hello,” came Aymeric’s calm voice through the tomestone.

“Um, hi, this is T’oast Tia,” T’oast said nervously, ignoring how G’yozah was grinning at him.

“Hello, T’oast,” Aymeric said, and T’oast could hear the smile in his voice. “It’s good to hear your voice. You had us all worried.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” T’oast said. “I just wanted to thank you for your help in rescuing me.”

“You’re welcome, though I didn’t do much.”

“You got the police moving, which I appreciate,” T’oast laughed. “Um, if you want to go for coffee sometime when you’re in Ul’dah, I’m available.”

There was a pause at the other end. “I wouldn’t mind that,” Aymeric eventually said. “As friends. I know you’re not actually interested, and you owe me nothing.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to...friends sounds good,” T’oast said. “Thank you, again.”

“Any time, T’oast. Though I hope it won’t be needed again,” Aymeric chuckled. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too,” T’oast said, then ended the call. He felt embarrassed, but also relieved.

“Awh, he turned you down?” G’yozah asked with an expression of sympathy, and T’oast gave him a smile.

“ _'I know you’re not actually interested, and you owe me nothing'_ , he said,” T’oast repeated. “He’s not wrong. I just thought I’d give it a chance, if he wanted to, but I’m honestly kinda glad he didn’t.”

“Shame,” G’yozah said, taking a sip of his own hot chocolate. “We’ll find a guy for you eventually, T’oast.”

“Definitely,” Haurchefant agreed enthusiastically. “I know some people you might like, if you’re interested.”

“I’ll pass,” T’oast smiled. “I’m quite happy where I am right now. With friends.”

“Well, now I feel bad for considering abandoning you to get fucked tonight,” G’yozah said, clearly a joke judging by the wide grin. He lifted up his mug. “A toast to friendship?”

T’oast rolled his eyes, but he lifted his own mug as well. “To friendship.”

It really was the best hot chocolate he’d ever tasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. 
> 
> There will be more parts soon, and they will include ships with npcs. But first, Starlight!


End file.
